Tying Knots

Chapter One

A/N This story takes place during Mockingjay, beginning a few days after Annie, Peeta and the others have been rescued, and focusses on the evolving relationship between Katniss and Finnick as they confide in each other and help each other cope.

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Chapter One

I hear the door quietly open, and huddle further into the dark corner of my favourite supply closet until it closes again. I assume whoever it was didn't notice me, and merely took what they came for and left, and so I relax, trying my hardest to drift into a numb sleep. It's only a few minutes later, when I hear the tiniest hiccup, that I open my eyes and see him through the gloom, sitting with his knees tightly to his chest and staring down at his rope.

I want to order him out like I would anyone else, but I can't. I nudge him gently with my foot, a silent acknowledgement that I've noticed him, and he lifts his head to look at me, his eyes bleary. I wait for Finnick to speak first.

"I was wrong." His voice is hoarse, the opposite of his usual smooth tone, "I should have known."

"What are you talking about?"

"What I said to you the other day. About the rescue."

I think back, and remember his words: Don't you see, Katniss, this will decide things. One way or the other. By the end of the day, they'll either be dead or with us. It's... it's more than we could hope for!

He's right now, and he was wrong then. They are not dead, which would have been the kindest outcome for them, and though they are present, the people we lost are certainly not back with us. Peeta is warped beyond recognition, drugged back into unconsciousness by Thirteen's medics because it's kinder than letting him stay awake to struggle with his restraints until he bleeds, to yell about his hatred for me until his throat is raw. And Annie...

"How is she?" I manage, and Finnick squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head.

"Gone." He tells me bitterly, "Exactly as I was scared of. Before the Quell, she was barely keeping it together, but now? After what they've done to her? She's unrecognisable."

"At least she still loves you." I whisper, not going on to say what I really mean - that Peeta will never love me again. I know Finnick understands, though.

"I think she does," He admits with a sigh, "But I don't think she knows why, any more."

"She doesn't know why she loves you?"

"No. She's too out of it, Katniss; every time I think she's really here with me she lasts twenty seconds and slips back into her own little world. She can't tell her memories from her imagination, or the past from the present... She's clinging to me because she knows she's supposed to, but honest to god I think most of the time I could ask her my surname or what district we're from or what she's doing with me and she wouldn't have a clue."

This is it. This is why I'm certain that Finnick is the only person in this district who can genuinely understand how I've felt since they came back. We're both having to come to terms with the fact that the reunions we had hoped for, the relationships we'd hoped to rekindle, will never exist again. Annie and Peeta are what we've fought for, and though they are physically here, they've left us... So what are we left with?

Each other, I guess. Someone whose hand you can reach out for in the dark, like I do now, and know you'll find it seeking yours.

"You think she can get better?" I've never sounded less positive, and neither has his reply.

"No. No, I thought she could get better before, but not now. Not after the Capitol. They may not have hijacked her like they did with Peeta, but I think it's because they realised that they didn't need to. That just being confined would be enough to send her... To make her..." Finnick can't finish, and looks at me with tears in his eyes. "What am I going to do, Katniss?"