The Library

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1.  Upon entering the door, you will be greeted with the information counter. A staff member will be there at all times. If there is no one at the information counter, immediately retreat while keeping eye-contact with the information counter. Enter again after exactly 4.12 minutes.

2.  Do not acknowledge the noises to your right or the breathing to your left when you use the elevator. It will stop after the third use. They are just curious.

3.  If an old man in brown trousers approaches you, answer every question he asks but never look into his eyes. If possible, try to slip in a few suggestions on some old classic literature.

4.  Immediately alert staff members if giggling can be heard in the third floor bathroom. Do not approach said bathroom no matter what it says.

5.  The door in the roots of the giant tree on the 3rd floor is for display only. Immediately alert staff members if there are noises and/or scratching sounds behind it. Evacuate immediately if the door is opened after notifying a staff member.

6.  Put the books back where you take them. Failure to do so will bring you to an alternate universe the next time you walk through the door. When that happens, the Library will no longer be held responsible for any injuries you are found with.

7.  Children must stay in the sight of their parents at all times. If by any chance your children are missing, immediately report to the information counter and pray that the staff members find them before it does.

8.  Do not enter the 4th floor. We do not have a 4th floor.

9.  Every book borrowed must be returned within two weeks. If a lady in blue appears in your peripheral vision if the deadline, you have two days to return the book upon her appearance. If the lady is wearing red, immediately return the book regardless of plans you have that day.

10. The books on the 16th floor are not to be borrowed, regardless of what they whisper to you. You will be permanently banned from the library if you are caught stealing it.

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