Late night texts

Vulnerable

All good during these stay-at-home times? — K.

It's funny watching my lifestyle being law enforced on others. — R.

Lol. — K.

Actually I'm taking off to London now. Waiting for my flight... have time to spare? — R.

(...)

I just learned that the reason why we feel so afraid all the time is that we have collective PTS. — R.

You mean now with all this pandemia stuff going on? — K.

Not only, like even before. — R.

Huh. I know the two of us have. — K.

You mean the stress from ten years ago? Is that still going for you? — R.

When you say "for you" you already put me in a different, opposite group. Apart "from you". — K.

Shit, I don't want to go down the rabbit hole, Kris. — R.

I know, sweetie. And I said the two of us. I won't let the anger I feel right now ruin what might be a good 10-min discussion. I agree with what you've read. We can all use some vulnerability. — K.

That's so fucking hard. — R.

We have the best jobs or what. — K.

:) that's a turn. Well, I guess. But at the same time it means always being exposed. — R.

Always in the arena. I like it... at least when it comes to playing, learning. —K.

When it's my personal life it's harder. — K.

Tell me about it. What you like is being in control. And that's an illusion. — R.

Burn. Also true. Specially now it becomes way too real how little control we actually have. — K.

And that's fucking hard, you're right. — K.

It's impossible to hide if you're doing something meaningful. In any area. Ours is different but in the end... not really. — R.

Again, I understand that on a professional point of view. But personally I don't know... The level of scrutiny we face is far from anything I can think to compare. — K.

What do you avoid or refrain from doing that you would do if it wasn't for fear? — R.

(...)

Oh man. — K.

I don't know. — K.

You know. — R.

One day you'll be able to say it. To yourself at least. — R.

Say it... out loud. — K.

(...)

Really? — R.

Sorry. I'm laughing and I can't stop. — K.

I will go ahead and say that I miss you. Miss your laugh and having these discussions looking at your face, hearing your voice. — R.

That's me being vulnerable. — R.

Fucking hard. It's easy to repeat that I barely remember. It's been so long. — R.

You're a great person. I think of you so highly, always have. Hardly I used to say this for your armor was so fucking thick sometimes. — K.

I said. I'm learning. — R.

We're all learning. We have a great life full of opportunity. — K.

You've changed you know. I like it. This optimistic, confident you. — R.

I love it. — R.

It's not always true, but today it is and when it is, I like to enjoy it. — K.

There's no such thing as permanence or constancy is it? — R.

I like that image of that graph... or line, whatever, that climbs from point A to B on many ups and downs. It's not a straight line. — K.

Does that go for people? Relationships? Projects? — R.

All, I think. I don't know. — K.

Being vulnerable is tiring. — K.

We're not used to it. — R.

Will we ever be? — K.

Think back a few years. You wouldn't go to the gym for the life of you. — R.

What do you meannnn. I still hate it. — K.

But you go don't you. — R.

Meh. When I HAVE to. — K.

I think it will be the same with putting ourselves out there. Painful, yes. But we will end up doing it. If /when needed. — R.

In case you heard anything, that's me moaning. You can't see or hear, but I'm moaning. — K.

What? Why? — R.

This is SO right and I'd avoid it still with all that I am. — K.

I know. But I thought... never mind. — R.

What — K.

When you say moan my mind goes to other sounds I know from you. Don't judge please, this is me being vulnerable. — R.

Shut up, this is me saying fuck you
dude. — K.

Can't you just get over it?? So you used to see me naked or whatever. If we don't get past this there's no present tense for the two of us. — K.

Wow. — R.

Ok. — R.

What. — K.

I know I'm being reactive. — K.

Take two breaths and tell me this is your true sense. And not your fear. — R.

(...)

I can't. — K.

Shit. — K.

Plane taking off. Tty soon. — R.

Mother fucker. — K.

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A/n. : I have no idea where this txt came from I was not planning for them and if you don't comment at least with a dot or something that says you're alive I'll stop updating. This is me being vulnerable (and tired). :P