Happier ~a kagehina fanfiction~

1 Day After

Hinata hadn't been able to sleep soundly all night. He kept waking up, confusing hours for minutes on the clock. He was still at the hospital, curled up in an uncomfortable hospital chair, next to his sleeping boyfriend. 

His boyfriend that tried to kill himself last night. 

Hinata, somewhat giving up on sleep, scooted forward to hold Kageyama's hand. 

"I'm sorry that I didn't notice earlier, Tobio. And even once I did, I thought it would be better if you worked it out yourself, I didn't want to encroach on something you didn't want to talk about. I think that I tried to convince myself that you were getting better? I think... I think that I wanted to stop worrying. I wanted to believe you were okay, and..." Hinata's voice broke as he choked on a sob. "And it was for completely selfish reasons. I'm so sorry, Tobio. I didn't do what I promised I would. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I'll do better, I promise. I will." Hinata laid his head down on the bed, right next to Kageyama's chest, slowly rising and falling. Hinata tried to focus on the sound of his breaths. If he was still breathing, that meant he was still alive. And if he was still alive, Hinata had the chance to make things right. He had the chance to fix what he had caused. 

"It's... not... your fault, Shoyo." Hinata's head snapped up when he heard the weak, barely audible voice. 

"Oh, Tobio, you're awake. Are you feeling okay? Wait, that was a stupid question, I'm sorry," Hinata stammered. He didn't know what to say. He was already failing. 

"No, no, don't feel stupid, my love. I guess, well, I'm feeling as well as can be expected. And please don't apologize, none of this is your fault. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you," Kageyama said gently. He was just glad he could see Hinata's face again. 

"No, you don't need to apologize for anything, Tobio, you've done nothing wrong-"

"No, Shoyo. I think I do, at least, I want to. I woke up earlier and saw you curled up on that terrible chair. Your face looked so peaceful, except for the tear running down your cheek. Shoyo, I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I'm so sorry that I put you through that. That was such a selfish thing for me to do, I just didn't know where to turn. I'm so sorry," Kageyama said, willing his voice not to break. 

"You could never disappoint me, Tobio. I just wish I could have done more for you."

"And I should have talked to you more, should have let you know what was going on. I'll try to do that more in the future." Kageyama laid his head back, and Hinata noticed how exhausted and sickly he looked. 

"Hey, we can talk about this later. Right now, though, you should get some rest," Hinata said, still holding Kageyama's hand. 

"I can't... I can't sleep without you next to me," Kageyama said. Right when the words came out of his mouth, he realized how pitiful they sounded. Hinata must think him so weak, so unworthy-

"Well, that's not a problem." Hinata carefully climbed into the small hospital bed, careful to be weary of Kageyama's bandaged arms. He nestled his head into Kageyama chest, wrapping his arm around the taller boy's waist. He felt Kageyama take a deep breath and then relax into Hinata's embrace. 

Just take it one step at a time, that's all they had to do.