Only To Be Without, Book 1

Chapter 6

(Present Time, Brooklyn, New York, USA)

She could make out his form on the street below even looking out of the window of the train. Becca was right, he was hard to miss at the moment, his tall thin form standing under the streetlight with his skin practically glowing. He could see her apparently, he'd waved, the darling boy, and she had smiled and waved back. A couple passing by had stared wide-eyed at him but he didn't seem to notice and she admired that; being the center of attention was still something that she loathed and though it more or less was a part of her job description these days it never ceased bothering her.

She'd turned and sat in an empty seat before the train had begun moving, lazily rolling her tongue in her mouth. That taste. He was almost... sweet? It reminded her of burnt sugar, dark and slightly saccharine but subtly bitter. It was addictive, she realized with a small smile. It was a shame she'd had to remove the memory from his mind. He had enjoyed himself very much, but there was too much of the smell of fear for her to let it go. If he became too frightened... it would be dissappointing.

She really preferred the subway at this time of night, the seating was quite comfortably open. In the eighties it had been very easy moving about all of the boroughs and the City itself without attracting any notice at all but now it seemed as though everywhere she turned some twit with a cellphone or a camera was looking her way.

Cellphones were the bane of her existence, frankly, and too late she'd begun using a prepaid smartphone after the absolute Chernobyl meltdown that had been the beginning of this year.

It wasn't bad enough that anyone with any form of internet access had the ability to watch her bent over with her skirt pulled up to her waist like a schoolgirl in the Mother Superior's office facing corporal punishment for too much mouth, or that James had successfully baited her into losing her temper that day in the first place.

It wasn't even that she had not simply deleted the video when the smug bastard had sent her the file the next day, grinning and shirtless beside her on the couch in his living room and never saying a word as her phone trilled the notification and she'd read it silently.

She, herself, had still been too relaxed and languid to do much more than glower up at him in return. The expression had been entirely unconvincing, even to herself, considering she'd been plastered to his side and purring with her ear pressed over his heart at the time. Her arms were locked around his still trim waist, the fingers of his left hand combing through her hair since she'd climbed out of his bed and wandered, still drowsy, into the room in just a blanket, looking for him that morning of Christmas Eve.

It was the sheer feeling of incompetence as she realized that she hadn't seen the possibility of a security breach through her cellphone service provider coming in the first place that had been a major blow to her self confidence.

It had reminded her that in many ways, she was still far behind the times no matter her best efforts to catch up.

Mino, in his usual way, had been less than comforting in her time of supreme need.

"It is not that big of a deal, Nia, really. It's the fucking headline now, sure, but goddamn, tomorrow there's gonna be a fucking earthquake and the day after that there'll be another mass shooting somewhere and the news cycle will roll on and they'll all forget about it."

"They're not going to forget about it, Giacomino, they are calling for me to be sanctioned by the Bar! I could lose my license because of you and your sick sense of humor!"

She had been so angry she had been near tears and had bitten out the full version of the diminutive of his name and he had just looked irritated that night, snatching off his reading glasses and looking at her with an expression half of pity and half of exasperation as he had gone on one of his rants.