Only To Be Without, Book 1

Memories #4

In a very real way, Regina Russo was, at one time, closer to him than his own mother had been. He had never thought about it, really, not for a long time, how it was a little odd that the nice lady that always had a candy bar for him seemed to always be having a party in her big house, or how the women's faces stayed the same, more often than not, but the men always changed.

He looked forward to the trips, after a while, it was kind of neat sharing a secret with his father, one that his older brothers didn't know, his Ma didn't know, just Jimmy. His father was taking him to lunch, or to a park, or to Coney Island, but really they were going to see Gina, and Jimmy never told his mother but she'd always known, anyway. Regina didn't just work for his father, she was his mistress and he still remembered his mother embracing Gina at the funeral.

Jimmy remembered the whispers from the other attendees, but his mother had never been the jealous type, his father hid how much time he spent with Regina to spare her feelings and she didn't go looking to find out what she didn't want to know.

Carla could still learn a thing or two from his mother.

But the biggest secret Jimmy held, oh, that one had been important, hadn't it? Earth shattering. What would people think if they knew the Don liked being tied up and abused, how Jimmy had gotten lost and made a wrong turn looking for the library and had found his father instead, suspended from chains and attached to some sort of structure. She'd had a whip, a real one and his back had been laid open in more than one place.

Jimmy had run in fear, even as an eight year old he was conscious of seeing something he wasn't meant to see, and Gina had been the one to come looking for him.

She'd explained that she and his father had special interests that they could only enjoy with each other, and it was very important that these special times weren't shared with anyone else because no one else would understand. That his father had a lot of pressure on him, had a lot of decisions he had to make, a lot of people he was responsible for, and sometimes he wanted to stop making decisions, or he needed to face penance for a decision he had already made, and Jimmy understood making penance, didn't he?

It was an even more important secret than their trips to the brothel, and every trip had already meant a new comic book, one candy bar to start, and all the candy he wanted on the way back.

Regina had always known exactly how to bribe anyone: frankly he'd learned a lot from her.

He'd never betrayed his father's trust, still hadn't to this day. It was disrespectful to his memory, about as disrespectful as some of the shit he was hearing these days from people who weren't normally eager to spread bullshit gossip: that the 'rival' crew that had whacked his father right the fuck in front of him on the way to Gina's in the summer of 65 were just hired for the job, and hired by Enzo, no less.

Jimmy didn't wanna hear that shit. That shit, just the thought of it, it stung.

He'd never imagined that eighteen years later, on a different continent no less, he'd see Gina again.

"How do you... know about that? I mean... what she can do?"

Gina laughed.

"The look on your face says you already know the answer to that question."

God damn, he was too old to be blushing.

"You've... uh... lent your expertise in the area of, uh, corporal punishment?"

"That is a remarkably diplomatic way of putting it, yes. I am experienced in activities she wishes to participate in. It's been an experience, I can tell you that. A little odd to meet somebody who has three hundred years of scene experience and didn't know what a safe word was."