Cloudy Liver...

Rain

" pol "

« polina.. »

A distand voice called, and a hand traced my forehead along with my hair fixing it away from my face, I tried to get rid of this darkness envelopping me and it took me less than a seconde to wrap my mind around everything.

My eyes blinked open with an awful metalic taste at the back of my throat.

I was up, pushing both the hand and the ugly sheets away from me.

I sat up still dizzy looking down not able to lift my head. I knew I was home from these sheets,  faded green with wight and bleu fish motif, I hated them so much and everything they reminded me of.

I think I hate them now even more feeling them sink to his weight.

« we're home » I know that.

He answered a worthless question which didn't even need to be asked. It didn't even need an answer.Typic.

You see, I can obviously tell my surrounding.

« hospital sounded as a bad idea so I brought you here » he added. I do appreciate his effot of communication

Guess you thought wrong. I hate it here even more. « are you alright ? » fixing my gaze in my lap, my hands twitching the sheets. I wish I could teer them apart. " pol, did you hear me? Are you alright?"

Am I alright?

Did he just ask me if I were alright? I think he might of did.

Is this some kind of a sick joke ?

Wait, am i alright though?

Anger flared out of my nosetrail, I was angry at him. But I didn't know why.

« Just say something, just talk to me so I know that you're okay, please pol ! » he reached for my twitching hands and stopped their insignificant movements. " pol ! "

Silence.

« pol ! Come on please. »

Trembling lips.

« I'm sick of this game you're playing, I'm tired »

You couldn't understand, Rick.

I thought I said that out loud until he spoke again.

« damn it ! »

he stood up kicking the bed side table and I didn't even flinch but that move did make me look up, he was running both hands over his hair furouisly « damn it Pol, I can't do this right now ».

He let go of a long breath hitting the door close on his way out, and I cried for the thousand time this day, it won't ever end. It won't ever stop, this pain is endless, it's merciless.

It will just carry on as a cruel reminder sucking out every remaining reason I've got, digging an aching big whole right in the middle of my chest.

Loss, I lost...

I am not familiar with such a word, no one ever explained it to me. I had no idea what it meant, what it represented or what it came with as terretory.

Four letters held so much power against the weakness of  a man. A humain, such a worthless pittiful creature. Any time he realised he lost he was doomed.

Those four letters gathered in a particular painful order, held a lot of meanings let for you discover all alone once you lost, you're recruited in a class life only gives for those who shall be called the unlucky ones, the losers, the ones who failed.