My Saviour.

Moved on.

It has been six months since Joshs death, Kevin and Triss left us. I hated watching Triss leave on her own with him, but Kevin refused to stay with a man who killed his friend. I tried making her stay with me, I even told her the truth about what he and Josh had done to Chelsea and Mick.

Triss just explained to me that this is what love is for her, that she won't ever leave Kevin and when she couldn't convince me to leave they were gone the next day.

The silence became the hardest part, Negan and Simon would always come and have a chat every now and then but they liked their space. I think Simon felt guilty for what he did because he started teaching me how to shoot my gun. He ended up giving me the one that he used to kill Josh with. He also taught me how to defend myself and to use my knife against the dead. 

After the first two months we started running out of supplies, the summer heat keeping the rains away. So we left that beautiful silent mansion to rot away with time.

I lag behind the two men as we wonder down an old main road the sun belting down on my skin harshly. I stop for a moment to get reprieve behind the shadow of a sign, the men carry on and I wonder if they would even care if I didn't catch up at all. A moaner stumbles out of the trees and I huff out a sigh, as it approaches me.

It seems to have once been a large man and now it's just a mindless being. I quickly grab it by the throat and force it's head down as low as I can get it, before shoving the blade into its skull. I trip on a branch and the dead fuck falls on top of me, just great, now I'm gonna reek.

I start dragging myself out from underneath the body, just as Simon comes over to help me. He throws it off my legs pretty easily and I give him a closed mouth smile, not really feeling it that much.

He offers me his hand to help me up and I stare at it for a moment before taking it reluctantly.

"What's wrong?" He asks once I'm on my feet and we are walking again, trying to catch up with Negan.

"What's wrong is I'm sick of walking, I'm sick of the stupid sun, I'm sick of two giants who always leave me behind. I'm just over it. I'm done." The dark thoughts that have been following me since Joshs death rear their ugly heads and I force them from my mind.

"You don't mean that. We are just as fucking tired as you, Sweet-Cheeks. Sorry that we walk faster then you, we are just trying to find somewhere to stay before it gets dark." He looks up at the afternoon sun, I know thats what they were doing, but it doesn't make me feel guilty. We continue to walk down the road not wanting to lose Negan.

Simon switches from my left side and stands on my right effectively blocking the light from me. I sigh heavily feeling like an idiot, they are trying their best and I'm only slowly them down at this point.

"If want to leave Simon. It's okay. I appreciate what you are trying to do. But there's no need for you to suffer because of me." I look up meeting his near black eyes, the complete opposite of my bright green ones. 

"I'm not leaving you behind, so stop being fucking ridiculous." He growls lowly at me, clearly not having enough energy to be patient with me.

"I'm just saying the option is there, I understand if you need to, you life is more important than mine." He stops suddenly and grips my forearm tightly as I continue to walk, but he forces me to stop. I wince in pain, my arm is practically healed up now, I'm left with a rather nasty looking scar though and it still hurts when too much pressure is applied.

Simon can obviously see my discomfort but doesn't bother in letting go of me at all.

"Don't you ever fucking think for one fucking minute that your life isn't worth it. That it's not important, because it fucking is and I don't want to hear you ever talk like that again. You hear me?" The sternness in his voice sends a shiver down my spine.

"Are you going to beat it out of me?" I ask seriously, knowing it's something Josh would have definitely done and with the grip Simon has on my arm it makes me wonder if he would too. Simon releases my arm as if I have just burnt him.

"I wouldn't ever fucking touch you like that, unless you asked me too." His words startle me a moment and I frown at him rather confused, it's then I start to realises he's showing telltale signs of being turned on and in honesty that does something to me. I'm too terrified to admit such desires for him though so I just shrug my shoulders.

"In your dreams, Big Boy." I tell him and continue off down the road, leaving him to suffer a little at my words, like he's done to me. He soon catches up though and proceeds his role of blocking out the sun from my eyes.

We spend the rest of the afternoon chatting and cracking jokes together. He's honestly such a great guy, much older then me, my mother would definitely not have approved, but she's gone now, just like everyone else I cared about.

The trees start to thin out and we come across more farm land and paddocks, an old ranch comes into view and Negan suggests we stay there for the night. It doesn't take long for us to clear the dead, only two of the dead being in there.

The sun sets and the chilly night air comes in, I start to shiver terribly as I help Negan cook dinner and Simon sharpens our knives. How can it be so hot during the day and freezing at night? We sit down to eat our warm tins of spaghetti from a tin. It's honestly not half bad and I'm definitely not going to complain about a hot meal. I really do miss real home cooking though and having the ability to have food all the time.

The guys head to bed pretty early tonight and I do have full intentions of doing the same but my mind keeps me wide awake. It torments me, reminds me that I really am not that good enough for this world. I let myself succumb to the thoughts, I pick up my gun and quickly leave the house, going out to the old barn. It's freezing in here, I really should have put some jeans on instead of coming out in just a shirt and panties but I won't have to worry about it for long.

I sit on some old rotting bales of hay, the safety on the gun flicked off, I take a deep breath as I tip the barrel up, pressing it against the bottom of my chin. Tears well and fall down my cheeks as I say a quiet goodbye to the ones I once loved. The creaking of the barn door makes me hesitate and blinding light from a flashlight is shined right at me.

Immediately I hear footsteps rush towards me, I try and grip the gun tightly, but they are too strong, pulling it from my grasp easily.

"What the fuck are you thinking?" Simon shouts at me and from the light of his torch I can see he is livid.

"I said I was done, Simon. I can't do this anymore. You're always having to wait around for me or I'm falling behind. I'm not meant to live this life, I was meant to die that day you saved me, with my friends." I choke on my words as the sobs pour from my throat.

"That's complete fucking bullshit and you know it." He responds standing over me still.

"Josh and Kevin lead those dead fucks in on purpose they wanted us dead. Because they knew we were and will always be worthless in this new shit whole of a world." I scream at him now, standing up from the hay and getting in his face about it. I hate that he's stopped this. What gives him the right to decide this for me?

"Don't let other fucking idiots decide what you are. You are worth more then you fucking know. Josh and Kevin were fucking pigs. Josh deserved his fucking fate, he should never have ever laid a fucking hand on you." He doesn't back down, not seeming fazed by my outburst at all. Why should he be? My eyes are level with his chest, I'm hardly intimidating.

"Why do you even fucking care? I'm nothing to you. You've barely even fucking spoken to me, only when you had to." I hold his gaze, so tempted to take the gun from his hands and end it all.

"Because you're too fucking precious too lose, you're the fucking only light shining in this dark world of mine. I don't ever want it to go out. I've distanced myself from you for your sake, I didn't want to just smother you after everything that happened."

I step back, eyes widening, shock lancing through me as my cheeks heat with embarrassment. I shake my head in disbelief, he can't be serious.

"Don't mock me, Simon. I don't appreciate it."

"I'm not mocking you." He sighs heavily and steps forwards, grasping my chin and leaning his head down and he kisses me roughly.

I shove him off of me, anger boiling in my veins I take another step away from him. I look up into his eyes, too many emotions and thoughts are passing through his eyes.