Blinded By Love | COMPLETED

Chapter 25

[ Alyys ]

My head is pounding. My stomach is making a full twist again. My eyes suddenly spread wide open and I don't know how fast I can get out of this bed, but it needs to be fast. My hands are a little sweaty as I run out of the bedroom, letting myself almost fall down next to the toilet.

The drinks I had yesterday make their way out of my stomach, leaving behind an empty and hurting feeling. But it is nothing compared to my broken heart. My body feels heavy, so heavy. I just want to close my eyes again and lay back in bed, next to Justin.

It took one look around me to realize I wasn't home. This isn't my bathroom. I didn't have much time to think about where I could be because my stomach made another twist. It feels like someone is holding my hair and I quickly turn around, but nobody is there. My mind is playing tricks with me and I don't like it.

I flush the toilet and slowly stand up. I stare in the mirror next to me and see a hoodie has been holding me warm the whole time. It isn't my hoodie. It isn't Justin's. It's Caleb's hoodie. My hand grabs the edge of the hoodie and slowly moves it up, dropping it as fast as possible to place a hand over my mouth. Nothing. There is nothing underneath.

I don't even want to think about what happened but I already know. Pieces and pictures are starting to come back to me, making their way into my mind and not leaving. I close the door behind me as soft as I can and I walk back to the bedroom. There he is. On his back, the sheets just covering the parts I don't need to see again.

My mind starts to play tricks again, telling me how I should just lay back next to him and sleep for a couple more hours, maybe even have some breakfast on bed. But I can't. I can't stay here. I don't want to stay here. I look around the room and find my clothes in the corner.

I make my way over to the clothes, trying to be as silent as possible. Him waking up right now would be the worst thing that could happen. The hoodie replaces my clothes in the corner as I quickly put them on. This dress is horrible to wear in the morning but I don't really have another choice.

I look at him one more time. The feeling of wanting to lay next to him again is growing bigger and I hate it. I shouldn't feel like I want to lay next to another person. I want to wake up next to Justin. I want to hear his voice in the morning, his soft kisses being placed all over my face, the smell of coffee and having breakfast in bed with him. I want him.

But I don't think I can have him anymore. I don't think his heart belongs to me anymore. I hope it broke his heart to see me that evening because it broke mine. In a million pieces.

With my heels in my hand, I make my way down the stairs. The house looks empty without all the people in the morning. One of the only things I can remember from being downstairs that it was insanely busy. I take a moment to just look around the room.

There are bottles of alcohol, beers, and shots everywhere. There is even a bottle of wine that's half empty. I would clean everything, but that isn't my priority now. I need to get home, as quickly as possible.

There is one mug left in a cabinet and I'm grateful for it. Apparently, people will use every type of glass they can find to pour themselves more drinks. I have to admit it does smell a little like beer but I don't even care at this point. I quickly make myself a cup of coffee. I would rather drink tea but whatever, coffee will hopefully give me that extra boost of energy that I really need right now. I grab the mug once it's finished and I slowly walk around the house.

It doesn't even look like his house anymore. I'm surprised he keeps having parties here because if my house would look like this, I would forbid Justin to ever throw a party again.

My mind has finally calmed down a little and so has my stomach. My head is still pounding but I have managed to ignore it for the time being. I'm not in the mood to go and search for painkillers, I will take some when I'm home. I take my last sip of the coffee and place the mug on the kitchen counter.

I'm not planning on leaving a little message for him. I hope he gets the point in me silently leaving in the morning. This thing that happened, it won't happen again. Never. How badly we both want it we can't do this. It is and feels wrong, even though I know that Justin did the same. Probably with a lot more people than me, I only had one person.

My jacket is probably still at the other house. I don't know if I had one with me. I don't remember anything from that night. It is all one big black hole that I can't fill with the details. I make my way out and it is surprisingly warmer than I thought. I mean a jacket would be nice, but at least I will be fine until I'm home.

I pull down the dress a bit and start walking home, hoping I won't encounter anyone on the streets. I haven't seen myself in the mirror since I got dressed but I know I look crazy right now. The cold wind makes me shiver and goosebumps appear on my legs. Maybe I should have just stolen a jacket from Caleb, he wouldn't notice it. But I'm not turning back. Not for a stupid jacket.

Small pieces of the night come back to me. I know I drank a lot more than I would usually do, and I have no idea how I'm walking home right now. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me but I need to go home. The cold air only makes my headache worse and I feel how my stomach is getting upset again.

I suddenly remember the moment I walked into the bathroom. It plays in my head like it's own little movie, making me feel every emotion that came up that night. I remember how I laid on the grass, crying and screaming my heart out. I don't want this. I don't want to feel this again, to realize what just happened. It broke my heart and it will break it again. I can't take it and yet my mind keeps showing it time.

I see our house when I stare down the street. Impulsively I try to grab my keys out of my pocket but I don't have pockets. Which means I don't have keys. I start to freak out a little and walk as fast as possible to the house, running up a staircase before pushing away a small pot with plants in it. We usually keep a spare key under it, for moments like this. I stare at the ground beneath it.

There is no spare key.

I can't remember me or Justin grabbing the key and using it. It only freaks me out even more. I look at the door and almost yell as I got startled by the fact that it is open. The door is unlocked and open.

My mind is making up all the things that could be going on, but it didn't prepare me for this. I slowly push it open and walk inside, as soft as I can. I drop my heels on the stairs, hoping it didn't make too much noise. I close the door behind me and slowly walk to the door which divides the living room from the hallway.

The door is partly open and I hear footsteps on the other side. A heavy bad is being placed on the couch and all I can think is this is going to be it. I push open the door at once and stare at the person in front of me.

I wish it was a burglar who I saw standing in the living room. It would make things so much easier.