A Night At The Gala

Part 8: Stronger than Steel

Malignant Bilateral Vestibular Schwannoma.

Sitting in her office staring at the images on her laptop, Helen feels so angry and upset and so much grief inside her. Why? It's not like she put two tumors in Kaia's brain. It's not like she isn't going to try her hardest to help Kaia. It just hurts right now. Max was right. She got too emotionally invested in this little girl and now her whole body hurts like she had gotten run over by a Mack truck. It's not fair. Then again, she can throw fair out the window- just like she told Max too. How does she explain to a 5 year old that she has a very serious sickness that is going to slowly eat away at her brain and other vital organs? How does she tell a beautiful little girl that she is going to lose her hair for a surgery that may or may not fix the problem? How does she tell a little girl that she is most likely deaf because two tumors covered and destroyed her Vestibular nerve and that's why she can't hear anyone? How does she explain that all of this could have been caught two years ago and had been treated and maybe she could have regained some of her hearing? More importantly, how do you tell a little girl you're so scared to lose her- without crushing her hope and faith in you- her doctor?

The answer to all these questions are you have to find a way. There is no way around this. There is no cover ups or silently fixing the problem without the other person knowing. There is no sweeping it under the rug and hoping no one removes it. She can't hide from this. She must be strong and face it. The best plan of action is try for surgery to remove both tumors from both sides of her brain and then try for radiation to remove the rest of the cancer cells. However that's easier said than done. The procedure would be very tasking and it would run the risk of damaging parts of that beautiful mind. It's a catch 22. She can't just radiate. She has to remove and biopsy and radiate. With Bilateral Vestibular Schwannomas, Helen would have to call in the best Neurosurgeon and pray that they could remove them without damage to Kaia's brain and normal functions. A knock carries her thoughts to the door and she finds Max slowly entering. Shutting the door, he comes around her desk and kneels beside her chair. His hand gently rests on her arm and he rubs up and down trying to gage her thoughts and emotions without asking.

"Surgery has to happen...but it's risky. The left tumor sits right on top of her Cochlear nerve and is pushing against her facial nerve as well. It's just big enough that it applies pressure in both places. One wrong move and she either will lose the ability to move the muscles in her face..." Helen starts and Max finishes the thought.

"Or she will never hear. Helen, I know it would be great to get a bit of her hearing back with this surgery, but if you have to end up making a choice in which one would go- wouldn't you choose to keep that beautiful smile instead of giving her something that might never come back anyway." She leans back in her chair and rubs her hands down her face.

"Yes, but what if we get rid of both tumors and she gets a bit of that hearing back. With hearing aids she could at least make out some of the sounds of the world around her. She could hear bits of music or fragments of my voice. The sound of rain on the roof. She wouldn't be limited to having to feel for heavy sounds."

"Helen, I know it would be amazing for her to hear you and the world. To enjoy music and sounds she's never heard before, but it's more important to think about what would make her feel more included. Being able to smile and frown and make faces- raise her eyebrows, keep her mouth shut and open it wide when laughing. Children and adults may not know how to speak with her, but with facial expressions they can tell if she's upset or happy or about to punch someone in the face. Just think about that, please. We're going in to get rid of the tumors and trying to keep everything in tact, but if anything does get clipped...let's just hope it's not taking away her smile." Sighing, she knows he is right, but she still hates it. The possiblity of her being able to hear would bring so much joy to Helen. However, the little girl's smile lights up the room.