Kix

Chapter 3: The Senate

I am currently sat at my desk completing different medic reports when I hear someone knock on the door, "Come in" I look up as Tup comes in with Dogma following close behind. "hey Kix. Senate Farleen is about to land in the hanger, General Skywalker has requested your presence." Tup says not fully looking into my eyes. I nod and slowly pack up what I was doing and then follow them to the hanger. I climb up the stage and take my seat beside Ahsoka who smiles at me in greeting. I look ahead as a ship lands, the door opens and a beautiful young woman steps out. Her beautiful fiery hair, Icey blue eyes and pure white dress. But there is something about her that is reminding me of someone however I can't figure out what it is... Anakin bows to her, "Senate Farleen it's an honour to meet you" he says softly, "Thank you General I have looked forward to coming here." Farleen replies her voice sounds so gentle. Then she looks at me and we lock eyes. I remember her now... the little girl who I met a long time ago, "hello Kix..." she says with a small smile but I don't reply lost in memories.

Flashback

Screams... that's all I can hear. Fire crackling the bright colours hurting my eyes, the heat so intense that I begin to sweat in my armour. But I don't stop. A force is controlling me forcing my limbs to keep moving, forcing me to keep on killing. I enter a new house, my mind screaming in protest as I try so hard to stop what I'm about to do to this family of four. The father looks up pure hatred in his eyes, "ROSA! Take the children now!" he shouts as he rushes at me with a pitchfork. With one swift motion I end his life with one blaster shot to the head. "NO! DERECK!" a woman with blonde hair comes out from a room and kneels down beside her dead husband crying as she holds his head, her tears splashing onto the dead man's face. She looks up at me as I raise my blaster again, she closes her eyes silently accepting her fate as my finger goes onto the trigger, "MOMMY NO!" I shoot but I don't hit the woman instead it's a little girl. She falls to the ground. Dead. Her mother looks at her small body the tears running faster than before. A look of hatred comes onto her face as she grabs her fallen husbands weapon, she screams in fury as she runs at me. The sky blue eyes blazing with such fire that it scares me. I don't want to defend myself I want to let her kill me so that I can end this madness for myself but my body doesn't listen to my mind. I shoot her in the neck and watch as she rapidly loses blood. She chokes, tears flowing down her cheeks like a river as she reaches out trying to reach the pitchfork. Her blue eyes lose their fire as she lets out her last breath, her hand falling limply from her neck. "Mummy? Daddy?" a little voice says behind me. I turn to see a little girl with fiery hair and Icey blue eyes looking at her dead parents and sister. She looks at me and we lock eyes. My general finally decides to let me have my body back as he stops force mind controlling me. I stumble away from the child as I whip off my helmet and throw away my blaster. I fall to the floor curling in on myself. This is not the first family that I had killed, I couldn't stand what I had done. The tears flowing without stopping and then I look up to see the little girl coming up to me. "My name is Cadenza Farleen. What's your name?" she says as she gently holds my hand, rubbing small circles. I can't believe how calm she is after what I have done. I pull myself together and sit up as I face her. "Kix. My name is Kix." I say watching as she reaches out her hand and I take it.

End of Flashback

"KIX!" I snap out of it and immediately push whoever is in front of me. I need space. I need air. I fall to my knees, vision beginning to blur as tears fill my eyes. I feel that someone has kneeled in front of me, I look up to see Cadenza smiling sadly at me. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry that I killed your family..." I hear gasps from my brothers as the first tear rolls down my cheek, "it was my general..." "how was it your generals fault Kix?" Anakin asks as Cadenza helps me back onto my chair. I take a deep breath, wiping my face, "my general was skilled in force mind control. He wanted to see what he could do if he took control of someone so he took control of my squadron including me and forced us to commit mass genocide on Sakura..." silence. I glimpse at my brothers; they have looks of anger as well as sadness. I guess knowing that a Jedi would even do that to their squadron has worried them. I look up at Cadenza," It's alright Kix... I already knew that it wasn't your fault as I still remember your reaction after you killed my family. If you had wanted to kill them you wouldn't have broken down afterwards." She gently takes a hold of one of my hands as she looks into my eyes. "I'm sorry that you were forced to do that. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I hope that maybe one day you can forgive yourself and I hope that you carry on remembering that it wasn't your fault..." I smile at her feeling the panic attack that I was about to fading away. "I would like to check the medic bay first. Me and Kix need to talk." Cadenza says to General Skywalker, "of course and Kix?" I look up at him, "don't forget that your brothers and I are here for you." I nod and lead Cadenza to the medic bay, "Wait Kix!" I turn and immediately get crushed by Jesse and Hardcase (the Umbara arc hasn't happened yet so Hardcase is still alive) in a massive bear hug. I end up losing my balance and we all fall onto the floor in one big pile with them crushing me. I hear my other brothers laughing their heads off as I try and get these two idiots off me so that I can breathe! I laugh as Hardcase and Jesse start arguing about who can hug me better. I look at General Skywalker seeing him smiling as his padawan is basically nearly dying of laughter. Finally, Hardcase and Jesse get off me allowing me to breathe again. Jesse offers me a hand up which I gladly take. He pats my shoulder, love shining in his gold eyes as Hardcase pokes my cheek before joining Fives. I turn and carry on leading Cadenza to the med bay.

I had finished showing Cadenza around and we began talking. I told everything that happened that led to the mass genocide and what we did afterwards. How we executed that general for doing that to us and how we tried to recover from everything that happened. She hugged me and said that she had forgiven me years ago. Urgent business led to her having to leave early so I escorted her over to the hanger where my new squadron was. Cadenza stopped at the top of her ships stairs and turned, "Kix I forgave you ages ago as I have told. Now, it's time to forgive yourself... Goodbye I hope we meet again." She says sadness clouding her blue eyes so similar to those that belonged to her mother, "I hope so to and I will try but it's hard... the memories the fact that even if you forgive me your people probably haven't. knowing that I can't apologies to them, that I can't explain what happened it... haunts me. I don't think I will ever get to the point of forgiving myself and even if I do forgiveness doesn't stop PTSD as I have learned..." its silent in the hanger as Cadenza digests my words, "then maybe you need your brothers." I look at 501st who are pretending to not listen but I can tell they are. The fear is overwhelming; it feels like I'm about to have a panic attack. So, I reply in a louder voice making sure that everyone hears me, "but what if I watch them die? What if they get wiped just like my squadron did? C-cadenza I-I can't go through that again... I will lose it if I have to go through that again..." I see pure sadness in Anakin's eyes as he continues to brief 501st, "trust in them. They need you. You need them. Pain is just the price that comes with love..." Cadenza says, "cheer up Kix. One day this war will end and you will be free to be with your brothers free of that pain of watching them die. Goodbye Kix remember all that I have said." And with that the doors of the ship close and Cadenza's ship flies away. I watch till it's only a speck in the stormy sky of the planet that I call home. 

A/N Hey guys! As promised this is a longer chapter. I hope that you are enjoying this so far. If you aren't please leave different ways that I could improve in the comment section below. Thank you. Hope you all have a good day/evening/night! See ya later!