The Book Of Country Song Lyrics

Song #76 (First Redneck On The Internet)

First Redneck On The Internet

     ~ Cledus T. Judd

~

Well, Lordy, mercy, I's in a mess

My wife run off with my TV set

Didn't bother me none that she had to go

'Cept I's gonna miss all my TV shows

~

So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees

An' I cried, "Dear Lord, will you help me, please?"

"I need a TV by tomorrow night

'Cos Rick Flare's involved in a title fight"

~

Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off

'Cos early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw

Reached in my over horse for my inhaler

'Cos there's a big brown box there, right in my trailer

~

I used my truck keys, cut open the box

I was hopin' for a Sony or a Micro box

I looked at the name and thought, "Oh my gosh!

This must be a new one called Macintosh"

~

Well my last TV was a whole lot wider

But this'n here come with its own typewriter

It had all the letters from A to Z

I guess, you just type in what you wanna see

~

Well I thought I punched up, "W.W.F."

But the TV Screen said World Wide Web

Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat

I's the first redneck on the Internet

~

He was the first red neck on the Internet

A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat

He went on line just one time

And now they won't forget

The first redneck on the Internet

~

It was all so new, I shoulda taken my time

But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive

Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin'

I had a .22 rifle shootin' at chickens

~

Then, all of a sudden it occurred to me

The power I had with this fancy TV

I could get back at my ex-wife

With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life

~

So I got the number off her Mastercard

I bought a new lift kit and four new tyres

Then, I got on line to her bank account

Went ahead and closed that sucker out

~

I had her power and her water shut, slap, off

The I sent an E-mail to her dead plain boss

Lettin' him know that she told me

She'd have his job by the end of the week

~

He was the first red neck on the Internet

A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat

He went on line just one time

And now they'll never forget

(Won't forget)

The first redneck on the Internet

~

Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact

In a couple of days I got my TV back

She said, She'd like to come back, as well

I told her to go straight to AOL

~

Now, thank the Lord that the UPS

For droppin' that box at Cledus' address

If they ever wanna find him, it won't take long

Type www.cledus.com

~

To reach the first red neck on the Internet

A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat

He went on line just one time

And now they'll never forget

(Won't forget)

He was the first red neck on the Internet

The first red neck on the Internet

~

Hey buck, p'preciate your help, you are the man

World Wide Web, population four zillion, Cy hoot

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Hey there! I'm not sure if all these lyric are right...

Don't forget to slap dat vote button with ya forehead!

Cya.

~Jordyn