The chase

Chapter 7 - Goodbye

I walk into the room, the dark shadow that once fell over the bed has risen. The silhouette takes a solid form, its features mirroring mine. Small button nose, skinny taunt lips, blonde wavy hair. Seated on a chair - elbows resting on the bed holding head in hands - is my mother. Her fragile frame shaking with silent sobs. My heart skips a beat. My throat dries up, my widened eye begin to fill with tears.

"Mum?" I reach for her. I want to hold her in my arms. To embrace her like we once had so long ago. To love her as I always did. My arm meets her shoulder but instead, it drifts straight through. Realisation hits me, strikes me in the gut, snatching the air from my lungs.

"Alissa?" I spin on my heels, greeted with those emerald eyes. "What's going on?" I shake my head, confirming what he himself knows to be true.

"It's us." I say "We're - we're dead. It was us the whole time, we were looking for ourselves," I look back to my mother, yearning for her embrace one last time. To tell her how much I love her, to tell her it's not her fault. What I now know to be the reaper appears in the corner, staring at my dead shell lying on the hospital bed. 

"She needs to let go, you cannot move on without her acceptance." He tells me.

"Please, let me talk to her," I beg, again he nods, snapping his fingers and disappearing without a trace, I look around to see Jayden also gone. 

My mother stirs, slowly raising her head as I walk over to the end of the bed. Her eyes widening as she takes sight of me.

"Alissa?" She sits upright, staring at me in disbelief. Staring wide-eyed between my body lying in the bed and my half translucent form hovering in front of her. "How?" she asks.

"Mum, it doesn't matter," I assure her. "All that matters is that I'm here now." Her eyes welling up as she stands.

"I'm so sorry Alissa!" she says her tears breaking the seal, sliding down her cheeks. "I shouldn't have pushed you - " 

"No mum, it's my fault," I admit. "If I had tried harder to see you - if I wasn't so invested in my work!" Tears threaten to fill my eyes as well as I struggle to hold them back.

"I know that now - I'm so sorry I didn't see it earlier." I cry, my tears matching my mothers.

"I love you so much Alissa," she tells me.

"I love you too," I walk over to her and throw my arms around the back of her neck, she instantly returns my hug and we stand for what seems like a lifetime in a loving embrace. I pull my head towards her ear.

"You have to let me go mum, please - know this is not your fault," I plead her, she releases me from her hold. Her hands on my upper arms as she looks me directly in the eyes, confusion and hurt in her face. 

"No!" she cries "I can't - I couldn't live with myself." She releases her grip, her arms falling limply to her sides as her tears begin streaming down her face in an uncontrollable river of emotion. 

"You need to be strong mum - for me," I tell her.

"I - I can't - " 

"Yes, you can." I say, "you're the strongest woman I know." She shakes her head in denial, unable to accept the inevitability of how this conversation is to end.

"Please - don't leave me," she continues to plead. "You can still come back to me, keep fighting I beg of you - "

Mum - I'm already gone." I say, she turns her back to me, attempting to hide the utter defeat in her face, how the tears threaten to fill the room and drown us both.

"I - I - " she stutters, unable to utter a word through her uncontainable sobs.

"It's alright mum - I'm going to be ok," I assure her, placing a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. My touch seems to soothe her, as her breathes deepen and her sobbing quietens. 

"I just -" she turns to face me, eyes red raw from the immense pressure of her tears. "I just don't know if I will be -" she admits.

"You might not be for a while - " I admit. "But that's ok, I know you will grieve - but I know eventually, you will also be able to get on with your life. You know how I know that?" 

"How?" She asks, tears beginning to well in her eyes again.

"Because I'll always be with you," I say. "Forever and always," she shakes her head again, knowing that I'm right, but still not wanting to let go.

"I'm so sorry," she cries again, gripping me once again in a tight embrace.

"No mum, I'm sorry - I'm sorry I didn't make enough effort. I'm sorry I didn't realise until it was too late!" 

"Shh, no darling." She pats my hair, from the crown of my head, all the way down my back "it's ok." We stay that way for what seems like an eternity, suddenly I hear what sounds to be a tapping of a foot on the ground. 

"I have to go now mum," I tell her "you can do this, I know you can." She hesitantly nods her head, hiding her face in my shoulder.

"Thank you," I slowly release my grip, looking her in the eyes one last time. I feel my the static flow through my body as I feel myself disconnect from the real world, my mothers face saddening as she searches around the room for me. She finally accepts that I am gone, walking back over to my bed, looking at my sleeping body and caressing my cheek.

"I will always love you," she places a kiss on my forehead and I watch on as she walks out the door. 

I look back to where the reaper stands at the end of my bed, looking at me with gratitude.

"Well," Jayden's voice sounds back towards the door "I guess it's my turn," he smiles.

I walk over to him and give him a hug.

"It's been a pleasure, under the circumstances - I'm glad we got to meet," I tell him, "See you on the other side!" he releases the hug and gives me a grateful smile.

"Thank you - for helping me find my way." I return the smile as he turns on heel and walks back through the halls of the hospital, now filled with guests, doctors, and patients.

*****

My mother returns, doctor in tail. 

"You're doing the right thing," He tells her. "She'll be at peace now," I give a smile, knowing that one day, she too will be at peace. My mother again walks over to me, grabbing my wrist the whole time. With me until the very end. The doctor turns off the machine and I feel myself starting to fade away, a bright light filling my vision, inviting me to a better place.

"I'll always love you mum." I close my eyes and embrace what's next to come.