Shut Up and Kiss Me || Ethan Dolan

15: Is This How It's Supposed to Be?

"I don't wanna be friends with you, Blake."

Blake's entire body goes stiff at Ethan's words. He decides to say that now? Here? In bed with her in the middle of the night, hours away from home?

She frowns, genuinely hurt by this sudden decision. Even if she didn't have some feelings for him this would be painful--they've been hanging out for months now, they've gotten close, and he just decides he doesn't wanna be friends with her anymore? Her vision is turning red, upset by his seemingly random decision.

"I'm sorry?" Blake says slowly, sitting up in bed. "I don't--why are you telling me this now?"

"That's not what I meant," Ethan mutters, sitting up with her. He knew that was going to come out wrong, he's just so nervous (and that's rare). "I meant... I don't wanna be just friends."

"That's--Dolan, we're hooking up. Earlier we decided that we're friends with benefits. What else could you want?"

He groans, knowing he's really messed this up now, wishing he could take it back. Flirting is easy--admitting feelings for someone is not.

It would be a lot less uncomfortable if Blake would realize what he meant, but he doesn't blame her for not realizing. As far as she knows, he isn't interested in anything more than hanging out and hooking up on occasion. Why would she assume he changed his mind already, that he has actual feelings?

"No, Blake, more than that," he finally spits out, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't wanna have to worry about sharing you. I don't wanna just fuck you and go our separate ways after, or go and hangout with our friends and pretend it didn't mean anything to me, that I don't wanna be closer. I'm so bad at this but I... I wanna hold you, and I wanna kiss you softly, and I wanna keep getting to know every part of you and do all that stupid, gross, romantic couple shit that our friends are doing. Not just pound you into my mattress and then listen to other guys tell me how hot they think you are and ask what you're like in bed after you leave. I want... more. I want you. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love fucking you but--"

"Stop rambling," she interrupts, his eyes widening. Ethan's pretty sure he made things way worse. "Do you mean that?"

"Yeah, Blake, I do. And it's really fucking hard to admit, because you know this whole feelings thing isn't something I really do, and I kind of hate it, but I want you to know, even though I'll regret it when I'm less tired--"

"Shut up and kiss me," Blake mumbles, gripping the back of his neck to pull him in.

Ethan smiles the second her lips are on his, and she does too. It's not the greatest kiss, both of them giddy and giggling, their noses bumping, but they don't mind.

He was pretty sure he'd fucked up everything that they had going, yet here she is kissing him. Generally being so confident, admitting that was really hard for him with how scared it made him feel. It was definitely rewarding though considering her reaction.

Blake didn't think Ethan was at a point in his life where he was ready to give up drunk hookups or shameless flirting, or really even ready to explore having feelings for anyone, and she'd resolved herself to being okay with that. Not having to accept that as finite is freeing. Even though she could've forced herself to get over him, exploring this feels so much better already.

They might be doing all of the steps out of order, but that's fitting. If they'd taken the normal route to a relationship, they probably wouldn't have ended up together like this. Who knows if they even would've become friends?

Ethan got caught up in more than the pursuit--he got caught up in Blake.

"God, I thought for sure that you'd laugh when I told you," Ethan grins, pulling away from the kiss. "Caught feelings, chérie? Thought I annoyed you?"