Shut Up and Kiss Me || Ethan Dolan

19: It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

"I'm sorry, Ethan, but I'm done."

It's like time stops in that moment. This is the first girl Ethan has really liked in... ever, maybe. The first time anything has every been serious. Middle school crushes and high school relationships don't compare to this. To them.

Was it all for nothing? The months spent trying to get Blake where he slowly fell for her, all the laughter and memories they shared, vulnerability and working through mistakes, really growing used to having each other around and comfortable with the others presence--none of it means anything anymore? It's just over? It can't be over like this.

"No, c'mon," he whispers. His ego and confidence deflate, and it's just Ethan being open with her now, showing her how he's hurting. "I... we can't just end things. What about our date tomorrow?"

"Our date tomorrow?" Blake asks with a sad laugh following. "Ethan, we can't go a day without fighting. There's no date tomorrow--there's no us. We tried, but it's just not working out."

"But, chérie," he pleads. His hands are gripping his own biceps as if he's trying to hug himself, his one form of comfort right now. "I-I was gonna tell your that I love you tomorrow."

Blake lets out a deep sigh, her heart pounding in her chest and threatening to break out. She doesn't want to do this, but the longer they're together the more they fight. Splitting up sooner rather than later is what's best for them, even if it's hard.

"You don't love me, Ethan," she breathes, finally allowing him to see her eyes again. "We weren't ready for this. I'm sorry."

"Please--"

Blake steps forward to plant a kiss on Ethan's cheek, feeling all of his muscles relax for a brief second. They tense up again as soon as she pulls back, looking at him without the smile he's desperate to see.

The cocky frat boy she knows all too well is gone in this moment. It's just Ethan being genuine, but she can't give in.

"You should go," Blake says quietly. "I'm sorry, Dolan. For what it's worth, you're still my favorite boyfriend I've ever had."

Considering she's breaking up with him, it's not worth much.

Ethan nods sharply, grabbing his phone off of the counter. He wants to say something, but can't think of anything worth saying. It won't change what just happened.

Before he can get out the door, he stops. Wordlessly, he takes her apartment key out of his pocket and places it in her hand. Their fingers brush together, and all he wants to do is pull her in close but he knows he can't. He knows his limits.

As he steps out onto the street, he huffs and kicks a rock as if it'll make him feel better. God, Ethan is bad with his feelings, but he knows he loves her, and he was really trying to make things work. Even if he made some mistakes and stupid decisions, he was doing what he thought was best. He wasn't trying to cause fights, neither of them were.

Blake can't tell Ethan how he feels. Ethan has never felt this way about anyone, he knows it's more than she was trying to insist it was. He knows that they were more than she was trying to make it seem like. Whether she was just trying to make the breakup easier for herself or she was in denial, they were. They were real.