Lucky or Unlucky?

Conflicted

Thankfully Nate hadn't forgotten anything so I didn't have to go to drop anything off. I don't think I could have moved even if I wanted to. My back, thighs, bottom hurt every time I tried to move. Nick had apologised over and over again last night afterwards whiles he held me close running his fingers over my back and bottom.

I got up early in the morning showering, then making Nick's breakfast trying my hardest not to wake him up. I wanted to get out the house. I don't think I could face Nick just yet. 

I knocked on the door hoping that nobody would catch me out here. It would be really hard to explain what I was doing here.

Justin opened the door whiles yawning and running a hand through his hair. It looked as if he had been asleep and I had woken him up. Justin looked shocked to see me at his doorstep. Not that I blamed him, I looked a mess. I was dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants, black long sleeved shirt and a pair of tan uggs. I had thrown my hair in to a messy bun and left. My eyes were red and puffy from all the crying I had done last night and my face was patchy and makeup free. There were black eye bags starting to form under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I needed to talk to Justin.

"Taylor? What are you doing here? Its like really, really early" moaned Justin leaning against the door. Then he took a good look at me before straightening up really quixkly. "What happened, Taylor?  Have you been crying?" Questioned Justin moving closer to me.

"Can i come inside?" I asked him. I was trying my best not to break down in front of him outside in the hallway. I wanted to go inside so that we could talk without anyone over hearing what i had to say. I tried hard to keep the tears that were forming in my eyes from falling.

Justin moved out the way one he saw the condition I was in. I walked in to his room and sat on his bed placing my red oversized bag next to me. I was glad Justin had his own room and wasn't sharing right now. It would be hard to explain to his roommate why I, Nick's wife had turned up at Justin's room in this state.

"You wanna tell me what he did? What the hell did he do to you? Taylor, what happened to you? You look like someone ran over your puppy" said Justin as he kneeled down in front of me.

"He was angry last night after you guys left. H-He thought I embarrassed him in front of everyone. T-T-That I was flirting with you guys. He...he" I stuttered as I thought about last night. I thought about how Nick hurt me with his hands and belt. What the hell was wrong with me? I slapped my hand over my mouth trying to muffle the sob that was trying to free itself from my mouth. I had slept with him after everything he put me through.

"What did he do? Did he hurt you, Taylor? God damn it! I'm gonna kill him if he so much as laid a hand on you!" yelled Justin jumping to his feet and pulled me to him. My head against his stomach as I sobbed.

Justin sat against the headboard with his legs stretched out in front of him as I laid with him. My head on his chest as I curled in to his side with one hand on my waist and the other stroking my back. "I don't understand why you don't just leave the bastard" said Justin with a sigh. I told him about everything that happened yesterday.

"I love him, Justin. I needed to stay with him for Nate. I didn't have both my parents when I grew up and it sucked. I can't do that to Nate. I married him and no matter what I can't just leave him" I told him.

"Leave him, Taylor. You can't go on like this. It isn't healthy. For Nate you say, you're saying that you don't leave Nick for Nate. What do you think he goes through when he sees you two argue and fight? Stay with me. I'll look after the both of you" pleaded Justin.

"Please dont do this to me, Justin. Please don't. Don't make me choose between my husband and friend. I need you" I begged him. I felt as if I had to pick between Nick and Justin. That if I didn't leave Nick I would lose Justin. I guess I was being selfish after finding out about Justin's feelings. I felt as if I was using him.

"I'm not making you pick. I love you" said Justin kissing my forehead as I stiffened in his arms. "I know that you won't leave him. And I know that you don't love me- not like that anyway. I'll always be here for you whenever you need me" said Justin.

Justin's phone beeped and he picked it up. "It's the boys. I said I would meet them in the gym at 10" said Justin sighing after reading a text. He got up letting go of me and I sat up only to wince at the pain that shot up my spine. Justin looked around for his clothes and towel.

"I should go home. I've been here since six, Nick will probably be wondering were I am"  I said getting up off the bed and looking for my phone in my bag. When I found it, it has 14 messages, 32 miss calls and 5 voicemails. Well shite! What was I going to say to him? What the hell was I going to tell him about where I was?

Justin walked over to where I was standing next to the bed. "Are you going to be okay? I don't have to go I can stay" said Justin wrapping his arms around me holding me close to him.

"No, I'll be fine. I need to pick Nate up too" I told Justin moving out his arms. Only to be pulled back by my wrist "Wha...?" I was cut off by his warm, soft lips.

At first I didn't respond to him. His threaded his fingers through my hair holding me closer to him as I kissed him back. He bit my bottom lip softly causing me to gasp and open my mouth. His tounge entered my mouth battling with mine as his ground his hard on against me, causing me to snap out of my trance. I pushed at his shoulders trying to get away from him. "Oh god! No-No ...I....I'm sorry- I -I should leave" I stuttered as I through my phone in to my bag.

"Come on, Taylor! You've got nothing to sorry about- don't leave... Just let talk" pleaded Justin holding on to my arms stopping me from leaving.

"I cant... I- we will talk later but in need to leave. Please let me leave Justin. I just cheated on my husband- I have to leave" I told him moving away from him and out the room. Justin didn't follow me nor did I bump in to anyone I knew, which I was greatful for. I didn't know how I would explain to them why I was in this state.

I drove home in a trance. All I could think about how I had cheated on Nick. I had broken my vows to Nick. I wiped at the tears in my eyes angrily as I sat parked outside our house. Why had I kissed Justin? He was my friend, right? I didn't have feeling for him? Did I have feelings for him? He was always there for me. He was the only one I could confide in about Nick. Was that the reason I kissed him? I felt so conflicted. Was I going to tell Nick? He would kill me. I wiped my tears and walked in to the house.