Absolution ➺ H.S. AU

Chapter 23 ➺ Harry

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I tried to control my anger for Paisley's sake. I'm surprised I've been able to control myself as well as I did back there. What that dick Will said was way out of line and quite frankly very, very rude. I knew I didn't trust him. Fuck. 

That's not what makes me mad, though. What makes me fucking angry and mad is what I did. She shouldn't have to go through this kind of stuff. It's all my fault. If I would have thought about anyone but myself for once, none of this would've happened. 

The ride back was silent. I didn't know what to say and I guess she didn't either. It crossed my mind that she might be mad at me for basically initiating her and Will's break-up, but she couldn't just let me stand by when she's interested in a dick like that. 

We got to her house all too soon, because I hadn't yet figured out what to say to her. I pulled into her driveway and put the car in park. We both sat there in silence for a minute, the moonlight shining through the window and shining onto her face, highlighting only the right side of her face, leaving the other half dark. 

"Paisley, look, I-"

"Come inside, Harry." She said, her voice quiet and sounding weak. 

"A-alright." I said, getting out of the car and following her up the sidewalk and into the house. When we came through the front door, an immense amount of light hit the two of us, making it clear how much Paisley had actually been crying. Her cheeks were red and eyes puffy. 

"Hi mom. Harry and I are upstairs." Paisley yelled and headed straight for the stairs. I was slightly nervous about being here because I know from the first time that her mom doesn't quite like me, but I tried to brush it off because that's not important right now. 

We got to the top of the two sets of stairs and into Paisley's attic bedroom. Instead of turning on the lights, she clicked on some twinkle lights that went around the walls of her room. They gave of a warm glow as Paisley went to sit down on her bed, patting the space next to her. I slowly walked over, not breaking eye contact as I sat down. 

She said nothing but leaned into me and set her head on my shoulder. I instinctively took my arm and wrapped it around her, pulling her closer into me. This was closer than we'd ever been; She was so close to me, I could feel her breathing on my neck. I leaned back against the wall, getting more comfortable. 

Neither of us said anything. We just sat there in silence. It was when I heard her sniffle slightly that I realized she was crying again. Shifting my body and turning so the two of us were facing each other both sitting criss crossed on her bed, I entwined my hands with hers. Seeing her this upset made the guilty feeling even worse, because I was the one who did this. It was all on me. 

She was the last person on earth who deserved all of this in her life. She was a good person, caring about others, putting others before herself, doing all she could to make others happy. But I guess that's the problem with good people: they are like candles, burning themselves up to give other people light. And I greedily took the light she gave off. 

"Paisley, I'm so sorry." I whispered, so quietly that I could hardly hear the words myself as they were falling off my lips. They way she looked at me as I said it made my eyes suddenly fill with tears, emptying the saltwater onto my cheeks as I blinked. I grabbed her and pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her as she nuzzled her face into my chest. "I'm so so sorry." I whispered into her ear as we both cried in each others arms. 

The tension has left the room, only to be replaced with pure emotion. A thick, heavy emotion that I've only experienced a few times before. As I lay holding this broken girl in my arms, all I can think of is how I caused all of it for her. I wish I could just go back; just go back and not have driven home that night. An immense feeling of loathing and self-hate took over me, as I couldn't even rationalize how I was feeling.