Time For Teletubbies: A Lovecraftian Horror

Chapter IV

     He passed out long before he and the Teletubbies reached their destination. It took a digging in his exposed injury to jolt him awake. It was Tinky Winky. As always. His eager eyes of uninterrupted blackness stared straight into Jacob's soul. The purple fur around Tinky Winky's hands was matted with caked blood. He bared a row of previously concealed teeth. All of them were sickening shades of rotten yellow, but of course, that didn't dampen any of their sharpness. It was like a row of hidden daggers had been jammed into his mouth, and the feral beast had just gone right along with it.

     But Jacob was not to be devoured then and there. The Teletubbies had a duty to fulfill. Their faces grew uniformly solemn for the first time. The unending aura of unchecked power they had once commanded had completely disappeared. No longer did the four monstrosities – even as they all revealed their serrated teeth in turn – appear to be the rulers of their realm. They were no masters. They were but pious servants. And they refused to do anything more to their traumatized abductee until they had paid heed to the hidden hands that guided Teletubbyland.

     The baby sun that presided over the scene began to giggle. Jacob's animalistic instincts instantly kicked in. It was no simple giggle of a barely conscious baby. It was the giggle of a trickster with knowledge known to no other. It was the giggle of a being beyond the limitations of the mortal body. It was the giggle of an unabashedly evil premonition. All that was left of his rationality was ripped to shreds. Jacob screamed. Even he knew not precisely why.

     The ever-present windmill, seemingly everywhere in Teletubbyland all at once, showed up yet again. Its mighty blades turned; slowly, but with plentiful deliberation, so that it seemed that they would start to spin with force and conjure up more malicious magic at any moment. A metal speaker like the one Jacob had encountered earlier rose up out of the ground, followed by a score more of the curiously quiet contraptions. They all released a series of excruciating static noises. It was as if they – these obviously unconscious speakers – were cooking up some dastardly conspiracy in some indecipherable language.

     "To the Giggling Gargantuan; the Searing One, who gifts its light to the land below," Po said, her head turned to the blinding baby sun. The other three repeated her words with grave voices and crystal-clear pronunciations. Gone was their earlier lingo of childlike gibberish. Evidently, their gods demanded more than mumbling. "To the Wand of the Wizard; the Incomprehensible Consciousness, who gifts its magic to the world around. To the Announcer of the Apocalypse; the Many Mouthed Monstrosity, who gifts its cosmic knowledge to the land within the mind. May you three bestow upon us all the fortune you have to offer."

     Jacob was left twitching on the ground in total terror. The Teletubbies encircled him, their teeth still gleaming, free from the confines of their gums. Wholly alien chants came seeping out of their mouths like long-neglected wounds. The proverbial pus came dripping down onto Jacob's petrified body below in the form of foaming madness. His eyes bulged. His injuries grew numb. His mind stayed paralyzed by panic.

     His encirclement by the Teletubbies broke as they all rushed to stand behind him. The baby sun – the Giggling Gargantuan – stared Jacob down with the utmost ferocity. He stared back. He could feel his eyes melting away as he did. It mattered not. He was totally captivated. The baby's face began to twist in turn in the most horrific of ways. Its elated grin never went away. Its features all broke apart and rearranged themselves to make another face. An evil face. A primal face. A face that mortal men were never meant to lay their eyes upon. A face that could push the soundest of souls into immediate insanity.

     The Teletubbies appeared beyond enthralled. They returned to their toddler-like demeanor, jumping up and down with no rhyme or reason behind their excited outbursts. The Giggling Gargantuan still seared the retinas of all its onlookers, but not one of them appeared to care. The deity's mania continued as its face continued to contort. No man could ever see such a face and live to tell the tale. Even as Jacob accepted that harrowing fact, he lay still. His body was immovable. His fate was sealed. His brain began to melt away alongside his eyes as the Giggling Gargantuan released its real form.

     "Eh oh!"

     The Wand of the Wizard spun faster and faster. Jacob did not see it. But yes. He did. There. And. It was everywhere. Within him. Infiltrating his head. Convulsion. Magic. That's what it was. The Incomprehensible Consciousness was pulling some sort of sick magic trick on a merely unlucky Jacob. It was all a fantasy. It must've been. It had to be. Please. The spinning never slowed. Gusts of wind regularly rocked him. Every bone within him shook. He watched himself melt away. Twitching and spasming. The world went fluid. Red rivers of the blood of undeserving victims. A wicked world. Blackness. Utter blackness. A world collapsing in on itself before his very sizzling piles of eyes.

     "Eh oh!"

     A speaker popped out of the ground right beside him. Not a thing of metal. A thing of flesh. They all were. The score or so. Or two. And then ten. A mighty army of metal speakers invading every inch of Teletubbyland. The many mouths of the massive monstrosity all unleashed a different chant of the earliest of eras at the exact same time. A tongue too foreign for any human to imitate. Words and guttural sounds so deeply engrained in the innermost monkey mind that Jacob could not help but move past panic into meltdown. His heart made it sound like he had a bass drum trapped within him. A soup of bodily fluids accumulated around his unresponsive body. The Announcer of the Apocalypse took no mercy on his helpless self. The accursed chants only intensified. Everything was wildly new and cosmically old. Everything was fractured. Everything. He saw no more. Ears only numbly rang. Icy fingers only felt the freezing cold. Confusion. Depression.

     "Eh oh!"

     Jacob's vision snapped back into existence. It was the cruelest of punishments he could've been given. He watched as the titanic Teletubbies bared their teeth and dug into their victim. The Giggling Gargantuan shrunk below the horizon in a fit of manic laughter. The Wand of the Wizard unleashed a thick smoke upon the world that choked and murdered all it touched. Rabid rabbits leapt around in utter helplessness before their slow and screeching deaths. Flowers shriveled in seconds' time. Trees were instantly stripped of every single leaf. The Announcer of the Apocalypse sounded another series of shrill screams that tore to shreds the ears of all those not yet deafened. The world was plunged into entropy as Jacob's flesh became a feast. The former world of green and blue had been replaced by red and black. Splattering. Screaming. He could only assume who it was whose blood was being shed and whose mouth had unleashed the screams. He heard two sounds above the unending ringing in his ears – two guttural, primordial sounds, like a chilling chant from an era of the earliest of beasts – before he heard no more.

     "Bye-bye!"