Legend of the Dragon Princess

Chapter 13.3: Lost Song

"...You know, he used to love singing." Cai Hong was speaking to me this time, her eyes brimming with self-torment. "I was there when the sellers dragged the slave child into Lotus Paradise, when the Lady made him clean the entire place by himself, and when she stopped beating him because the other customers started commenting on his singing and his beauty." She paused, lowering her eyelids. "Then, she forced him to sell himself in hopes of turning the small place into something far grander."

"Forced to sell...himself?" I echoed back. How strange in that I have not given much thought of men being victims as well. "But, miss, aren't you a prostitute who is selling herself by her own will? I don't understand..."

"You see... In this world, there are very few opportunities for women like me to earn money." The beautiful Cai Hong stopped herself as if she was surprised to find herself speaking so intimately with a young, naïve "man" like myself. "True, most of us are not here because we want to be. It's not how any of us imagined to grow up to be." Then, tipping her chin up, the young prostitute managed a forced smile. "I don't mind too much anymore—because I get to keep my extra earnings and buy myself nice things, but it's different for him. He was not given a choice whereas I had received many offers of marriage and refused them all." I stared, finally feeling that most of the pieces were coming together. "Xin Yi is not attracted to men; although when I asked if you were his nan pengyou, I admit that it was rather cruel of me to make a joke like that."

Oh. It explained a number of details about the boy—in the way he would look at me, in how he described his name, his relationship to Major Tang, why many of the soldiers did not want to interact with him, the lack of acknowledgement by others, and why...She, Empress Bao Fan, said those awful words to him earlier today. I remembered how he expressed not wanting to return to his former post, and for a while, I had thought it was because he was oddly ostracized by the soldiers or maybe it was Ming who was giving him a hard time. He wasn't afraid.

He was lonely.

What is the price of his freedom? He was alone in the gilded cage, and he was alone—even in the open skies, with no destination and no home to settle in, no branch in sight, and no one to greet him upon his arrival. It was not how he had imagined it to be. How terrible it must be...

"Xie xie, Miss Cai Hong." Immediately, I rose to my feet. "I have to go."

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As soon as I walked outside and down the gray stone steps, I found the boy sitting alone at the last bottom one with his back hunched over. Carefully, I gently approached him and sat down next to him before seeing that he was lost in the white clouds and endless blue that extended well beyond the towering structures and high walls surrounding the decorative establishment. A soft sigh escaped from his red lips.

"One day..." I leaned in to listen better. "...I had enough, and because I taught myself how to fight, I accidentally...killed a client, another man who wanted to use me." Hearing the sentence somehow caused my throat to go dry. I stared. "...How did it come to that? My father was a wealthy lord with a wife—and my mother was a servant of the household. When the wife discovered me, she had an uncle whisk the child away—and sold him into a fighting ring where he fought for his right to eat." Xin Yi paused, as if remembering that ill-fated day. "Then, the Lady of Lotus Paradise saw my face while looking for slaves, and I was taken into her brothel."

On that day though, after the client's demise, Xin Yi was covered...in crimson blood, the man's blood. That was how the other prostitutes came to call him, the Crimson Huamei—but everyone else, who was not there or had not heard of the story, just thought it was a harmless and pretty nickname. From Xin Yi came a low, twisted laugh of revulsion and enmity.

Resuming his story, the bodyguard began once more, "...And when I tried to leave with the Major, the Lady tried to stop us with her goons—so, I snapped. I ..." All at once, a deep sense of scarlet hatred came over his expression, and his jaw tightened. "When I opened my eyes, they were all dead too even though my...father told me it wasn't my fault. Then, after I came to the barracks with him, there was also a day when he was absent—and the other soldiers kept harassing me—" Closing his eyes, the young man trembled all over as though he were reliving the entire series of experience, paling like he had really seen two ghosts in the brothel. I leaned in, my shoulder touching his. "I almost killed one of the soldiers, and it scared everyone. They called me...a Crimson Monster."

A monster. A demon. A xiyang guizi.

"They call me a monster!" Pressing each side of his head with his palms, Xin Yi gritted his teeth hard before steadying his breaths. "All but...Young Master Ming."

According to the boy, before Xin Yi could finish off the arrogant soldier with one last blow—Ming stormed into the fight, slapping the sword off Xin Yi's hand after it was drawn out and subduing him by pinning his arms behind his back. For the first time ever, even though they did not necessarily get along, Xin Yi felt like it was the closest...he had ever had to a 'friend.' Because to Xin Yi, Ming did not need to get involved but chose to, risking his own life. After all, both he and Ming were outcasts of this society even though they were sworn to risk their lives for the other soldiers who did not accept them nor care for them. To everyone else, they were lower than dogs. The two boys were beasts, wolves, demons...or monsters. They were not considered to be humans.

It was not until much later when Xin Yi told Ming that he had fallen in love with a certain girl in the palace, which drove the gap between them two even farther apart. Still, despite it, Xin Yi felt the same amount of compassion from the other boy even though Ming did not want to be physically near him. Though they could not bring themselves to be warm toward each other, he admitted that it was comforting that someone was looking out for him.

"Though Xin Yi is not a friend, he has a good heart. He surely does not deserve to die if anything were to happen by your foolish actions."

Ming, you liar.

"...Everyone else though still thinks of me as a monster." Xin Yi continued, softly. "They all say that I'm a monster for being so angry at the world, for lashing out at the injustice that had been done toward me, and being forced to sully my own body..." A translucent tear slid down his cheek. "When I fight, they say that I'm the monster—but I'm the victim here too! I have a lot that I need to work on—but—"

That's enough. The pain, the immeasurable suffering that he locked up in his heart, and the bottomless ocean of loneliness...all of what was caused by a life that he never asked for—and never chose—still comprised the imprisonment of a huamei who used to sing for itself and no one else. Even now, while physically free, Xin Yi was mentally and emotionally held captive by the dark past and traumas that had broken his heart. How strange it must be, how punishing it must be—for him to be born, only to possess a body that others abuse and use for their own motives.

Swept by the immense stirring of sentiment, I could not stop my arms from pulling him into the tight embrace, his head against my shoulder with the hot tears still falling. His red lips trembled before letting out an almost inaudible cry before breaking into sharp, consecutive sobbing and breaths. As to surrender himself into his own abyss of sorrow, the young bodyguard accepted my warmth, letting his once-rigid weight shift toward mine.

"Duibuqi, duibuqi—" he whispered, shutting his eyes. "Duibuqi..."

"No," It was not a response that I would accept, "...it is the heavens that owes you an apology. Not you." The trembling stopped, and all at once, the boy stilled himself, his head resting against my shoulder. "Yes, you have much to work on—but you have recognized it. You are willing to take control and become better. Though it will be a long road, you can take control of it still and make something new out of it to spite the heavens that cursed your birth." I laughed quietly. "Didn't I tell you? I'm proud of you, and I'll stay proud of my bodyguard." At this, I lifted my gaze to meet the silent Ying Ku, who sat on the other side of Xin Yi, leaning against the gray stone railing.

For the entire time, Ying Ku had been patiently sitting there at a distance from us two, listening with a slow but sincere motion of changes in expression. His dark copper eyes held a sliver of pure glister, seeming to be absorbed by empathy. The cool wind blew, whipping his half-ponytail away, along with his long wavy strands of black hair and hidden braids. A small smile formed in his scarlet lips, further highlighting the young man's soft nature as he flickered his attention elsewhere.