Safe.

Unworthy

I wake up to the sound of an obnoxious beeping. I groan and hit the button on my alarm clock. I walk into my parents room and see that my mother wasn't in bed. As usual she was probably drunk with some man. I had a killer headache and planned on skipping school for the day before I hear a door being violently opened. I decide to go to school and not deal with my mom. I throw on a pair of black skinny jeans and an old band t-shirt. Throwing up my hair in a messy pony tail, I grab my black vans and slip them on. Looking at the time I realize I still have an hour. I go to the bathroom and lock the door. I then brush my teeth. Last, but most importantly I grab a razor from the medicine cabinet. I roll up my sleeve and press the cold blade to my skin, slowly I slide it across my wrist drawing blood from it. Then I make more, opening old cuts and making new ones. I can't feel the pain anymore, which is weird. It's the main reason I cut, to feel more than an emptiness, so I know I still have emotions, that I'm not just feeling numb and dead inside. I clean up My cuts and roll down my sleeve, adding a band aid to my deepest wound, so that it doesn't bleed through my shirt. I put my blade away and grab my bag preparing for a drunk mother. When I pass by the kitchen my mom notices me immediately yelling at me.

“Where the hell do you think you're going!" she screams from the fridge.

“To school," I whisper back.

“We do not mumble in this house," she slurs, walking towards me. She grabs my cheeks and squeezes them violently. “now, where did you say you were going?"

“To school," I repeat louder this time. She lets go of my cheeks throwing my face backwards. I head towards the door when my mom says something again.

“Aren't you gonna eat?" she yells disgusted somewhat.

“I'm not hungry," I respond. She starts throwing food at me unexpectedly. A banana hits me in the back of the head and I feel a tear go down the side of my head.

“Then starve yourself you fatass!" she yells at me. I slam the door and head towards my car. Although my mom couldn't afford to buy me much, I decided to get my own job and saved up enough money for a cheap used car. I speed down the street and stop at a McDonald's. I sit in my car and cry, more than I ever had. I cry for hurting myself, for my mom bringing home a different man every weekend, and I cry for being alive. I scream in frustration and hit the steering wheel. I forget about school and just sleep in the car. I wake up and check the time on my phone, it was barely 2:47. School gets out in about ten minutes. I start up my car again and drive, I have no idea where I am going but I just go. I try to escape reality and leave this filthy world for a little. Stopping the car, again at a rest stop. I open up my school bag and search for my sleeping pills. When I find them I take some to knock me out for a while.

I fade into a darkness and sleep washes over me.