Safe.

Pills

I wake up to a fuzzy feeling in my head, dizzy and frightened. I had no idea where I was, but judging by the beeping coming from the side of my I guess I'm in a hospital. A nurse comes in and checks me. After a short exam, the nurse finally addresses me, “Hi hon, how are you feeling?" she asks me in a soft voice. The nurse, looks young, probably around her late twenties. She has dirty blonde hair pulled back into an elegant, but appropriate for work, bun.

“I'm fine, could you please tell me what happened?" I tell her honestly unsure of why I was in a hospital.

She frowns and answers me, “You overdosed on sleeping pills, thankfully a truck driver found you and called 911," she looks at my sympathetically and I look down at my lap noticing my scars were showing a lot.I stuff my hand under the blackest and feel a small tear telling myself not to cry, but end up weeping into the sheets. The nurse, named Synthia as shown by her name tag, leaves me alone leaving a tissue box next to me. I didn't mean to try and kill myself, I just wanted to go to sleep. I only wanted to go away for a little not forever. I didn't mean to, now what are they going to do to me? Send me to a hospital for depressed teens? I'd heard about this, but never pictured my self-harm going this far. As I think more of it, I wonder why the guy had to save me. I could have died, right there, in the car. I wouldn't have to deal with the dumb girls at school, or about wearing make-up to hide the bags under my eyes. Then I wouldn't have to listen to the hurtful things my mother tells me. I should have died. That was my time to go. And that man interfered with it, and most people would be grateful, but I just wanted to yell at him.

I expect to be able to go home when the nurse comes in, telling me the worst and best news I'd ever received.

“We tried to get in contact with your mother, but she wouldn't answer her cell. So we had a couple police go to the house and try to see if she was there. The police have the right to go in your house. You know that right?" Synthia tells me.

I nod slowly, confused.

“Well they went into your house and saw that it it completely unbelievable to live in those conditions. Your mother was drunk in her bedroom, sleeping. The house was horrendous and filthy, with holes in the walls and barely food in the fridge," I feel my stomach drop and she continues talking even though I want her to stop.

“This is unacceptable for you to handle, so the government must remove you from the house immediately. You are going to be allowed to take clothes and small possessions with you from the home, you will be put in a good place, I promise,"

“I-I don't understand, where am I going?" I ask scared.

“You're going to be put on a foster home, it is very clean, but small. You'll have people to take care of you, including me on the weekends,"

I look at her confused and she tells me, “Its my small job to get extra cash in my pocket,although I get paid here good, it's still not enough,"

I understand, but it's so much to take in at once, I can't even think straight. She informs me to get dressed, because a social security worker will be here shortly to take me to pack.

I go to the bathroom and stare at my reflection. My black hair, dipped an unnatural shade of blue at the tips, is knotted and tangled. My pale skin makes the hideous bags under my eyes stand out more. My blue eyes that once lit with happiness, now looked dull and lifeless. I touch my lips that once stretched into real smiles, but now stayed in a small frown. The black on my nails is chipped and ruined. I turn away disgusted and change into my clothes. I don't want to see myself anymore.

I wish I'd took a couple more pills.