Visibly Invisible

First

I had never actually felt like I belong anywhere. I had been to three different schools in my entire academic life and never did feel like I belong in any of them. Maybe it was because I didn’t particularly like to present myself as a participant to any of the school activities they held before. It was not as if I actually felt too proud about myself, no. It was merely because I was too darn shy. I was absolutely scared of what other people might think of me so I kept everything to myself. That as of today, I had learned to be wrong. It should not be anyone’s business however I see the world to be.

But it couldn’t be helped. In all my life, I had always been just the quiet one. Easy being said, I harbor thoughts because I was so much of a coward to liberate them. It wasn’t very helpful in my case in particular. Being alone and quiet was sad and that was a fact I would never had denied in any way.

When I got to college, however, everything changed. I had become somebody. Maybe I got used to being nobody that the experience of being actually part of the crowd was sort of nauseating. But I had come to resolved that this was what I needed to grow up. I needed to let go of being nobody so as to find out who I really am and who I will be.

It was going on nicely for me for the first year in college because people had been recognizing what I could do and what I had accomplished. It was a mixture feeling of bliss and oddness because it was clearly a first for me. But I had come to like the idea of being looked upon in which I had never imagined ever happening.

That, however, wasn’t completely without a flaw for there was this too tall of a stranger who seemed to be very bothered of the very fact of my existence. I had no recollection of us ever meeting before but I did, however, see him several times anywhere near or in school. We were schoolmates in short. I was totally nonchalant about the whole seeing him a lot at school. He was just impossible to miss. Looking like a foreigner did not help his case of blending with the crowd at all. Not that he wanted to just blend. I believed his being so different was a food to his must be enormous ego. That was never my problem however. Not until I had experienced firsthand the unfortunate incident of his very self one unfavorable evening when he decided to confront me.

“Are you following me?” he asked disgusted.

With complete innocence I had had on his question, I answered him with, “No I’m not.” I hastily walked pass by him for I had no intention of staying in there any longer.

He, however, wasn’t very convinced of my answer so he blocked my way. “Then how do you explain me seeing you everywhere I go?”

“You’re seeing me everywhere you go?” I asked with complete genuine curiosity.

“Oh cut it out already will you. You know exactly what I am talking about.”

That was all I was taking. It was already awkward enough that a little girl like me was craning my neck up to talk to him. He was just incredibly tall that I looked like a total midget compared to him. And the way he was looking at me like I was some sort of a crazed fan girl who had been following him around did not amuse me at all. I told him again that I wasn’t following him and walked away trying so hard to keep my dignity intact.

The man, unfortunately, was just so persistent. His being so tall had him caught up to me fast and blocked my path. He said, “You can’t just walk away from me little girl. Nobody turns his back on me.”

That was how I just had enough. It was never in my plan to argue with anyone; not until I could help it. But this man was just extremely infuriating. “First of all, you come and accuse me of following you around because you think so highly of yourself that I’d actually go wasting my time on something as inconsequential as your activities. Second, you won’t let me go because you think that it’s just right to piss off people who had the nerve to actually turn their back on you. Well aren’t you a really arrogant son of a bitch!”

That got him to stop. He looked at me with his murderous eyes that told me I better leave the place already or he’ll murder me in the very same spot I was standing on. And that was what I did. I hurriedly walked away and God knows how relieved I was that he did not bother following me.