trying to save us

xi. aftermath

surprise? :)))))
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"Fuck," Sean muttered under his breath as he felt the seemingly never ending throbbing of his head. Even with all the drinks he managed to down last night, he couldn't forget the pain it felt learning that his supposed soulmate went out on a date with another man.

Had it not been for his friend's slip up, he might've never known.

Would Kaycee even have told him? Or would he have eventually found out after Laura posted a picture of the girl and her new partner?

Or even worse, what if he wasn't even meant to find out until he eventually got a wedding invitation from them in the mail?

Maybe it was the weird concoction Josh had given him last night, but the the idea of Kaycee marrying someone else and Sean being present with the sole purpose of being nothing more than an audience member nearly caused bile to rise up his throat.

The pounding of his head post-hangover was still no match for the ache in his chest knowing that Kaycee truly was no longer his to call his own.

The sudden memory of typing out her contact name last night flashed through his mind. He could vaguely recall struggling to type out her name through tears and clouded thoughts in order to send her a very despairing audio message whilst in a packed, grimey club came flooding in.

He can't believe he did that.

Almost as if his hangover had already been cured, he immediately sat up, phone clutched in his hand as he rushed to their text thread hoping that there was someway he could unsend the message.

Read at 2:18am.

But it was far too late. She had already heard the message.

His mind began racing at as he quickly tried to come up with an explanation for his drunken behavior. But he knew there was no use.

A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.

Everyone knew that. He knew that there was no way Kaycee would believe any bullshit excuse he could try to conjure up.

She's much too smart for that. She was always the brains between the two of them.

And even if he could miraculously figure out a solid cover up for his message, it wouldn't even be possible to do such a thing without having to first listen to what he let spill out of his mouth last night.

He had one too many shots to even begin trying to remember what he had told the girl. All he knows is that he definitely poured his heart out to her. He always did have a problem with rambling when it came to her.

After mentally debating with himself about whether or not he should forget it ever happened or listen to what he sent.

He ultimately decided that if his words were so important that even in his drunken state he was able to speak his mind. Then he had to take a listen to them now.

It would be impossible to move on with his day let alone the rest of his life without the message constantly haunting him in the back of his mind.

He hesitantly pressed tapped the message. His finger shaking as he pulled back from play button and in came the sound of his drunken voice.

He winced.

First at the volume of said drunken voice, and again at the clear heartbreak and desperation evident in his hiccup-ridden voice.

He sat their in silence as the rest of the message played on. It felt as if the message was an hour long, though it was barely a minute.

Just like that in a simple minute, he had told Kaycee that he was giving up.

On her. On them. On the chances that maybe one day they could find their way to each other again.

He swore his heart seized at the thought, but a tiny, inkling of pride swelled up in him.

He finally did it. He pushed aside his selfish needs and any hopes of their reunion to put them, as individuals, first.

It needed to be done. No part of it was easy, and it took him being drunk out of his mind to do it. But it's done.

He let out a shakey breath of relief as he slowly reclined back into a supine position. The damage was finally done and there was nothing left to do.

Not that he had many options.

Considering the fact that Kaycee had listened to the message and felt no inclination to reply or react in any way told him everything he needed to know.

He was letting her go. She was okay with that.

He figures that perhaps her date had gone well. As painful as that thought is, it also made him feel better about his decision knowing that in the long run, he was allowing them to finally grow up.

To grow up, and to grow apart.

Both of which were very much needed. It was a long time coming.

So as he is laid there on his bed, staring up at his spiraling ceiling fan. Sean Lew had finally decided to put himself first.

And as he should've done a long time ago, after Kaycee had left. He came to the conclusion that from this day forward he was working on himself.

Only himself.

No involving himself with Kaycee anymore. He needed to accept that things may never go back to the way it was and that's just how life is.

It's unfair. It's heartbreaking. But it's reality.

He knew that to truly do this, he also has to cut ties with those closest to the girl. In order to truly move on from her, he couldn't keep holding casual conversations with her family or hanging out with her childhood best friends anymore.

His drunken self had the right intentions, he couldn't be associating himself with people in her circle. It would be too hard for either of them to ever truly learn to be individuals when they remain close to the same handful of people.

He knew that he could still cheer her on and support her recovery from afar. And he would rather do that than not support her at all. But it was time for a much needed change.

It was time to move on.

For his sanity, for his heartache, for her.

He swallowed his pride and finally acknowledged that couldn't hold onto her forever.

So he let go.
_____

so this was random.

i know it's been over a year and covid and everything since had just taken a toll on my mental health. i found it really difficult to balance my responsibilities as well as my hobbies. i also, unfortunately, began to drift away from sean and kaycee. i still support them from afar but it was difficult to combat writer's block when i wasn't as into the content as i used to be. but i promised that i would finish this story so here i am trying to wrap this up for you all. if you're still here thank you, it means a lot. and if you're new, thank you as well and im sorry (not really) for all the angst.

the birthday content had me thinking about this story and while i don't think ill start writing new stories or one shots that often, if any at all, i do really want to finish this story. it's the least i could do and i want to give everyone that happy ending you all deserve but bear with me it'll take some time and some patience.