Having a good night sleep seemed to be rare for me these days and the biggest reason I was awake, was because of Bette. I was confused to what I was feeling..
Carrie and I weren't dating, yet.
So technically I didn't do anything wrong even though it started feeling like I did.
She and I definitely have a strong connection, it's different from what Bette and I have but it's just as strong. I felt this pull towards Carrie and I knew that I was too far in, to leave or end whatever what's been going on between us.
I should just text Bette..
"Hey.. About last night.."
Before I can elaborate she replies.
"I loved it too, I think you should move back in with me."
FUCK! This was so not what I was going to say! This is typically Bette, always assuming things.
"That wasn't what I was planning to say.. I don't want to get back together. I want to see what's between me and Carrie, I really like her."
Now I've just got to press enter..
She sends me a kiss emoji and a orange heart.
God damn it!!!
I press enter and it instantly shows that it's been read.
Oh my god... She's typing..
My heart was almost beating out of my chest.
Five minutes later she's still typing..
Did she fall asleep? Or is she writing a paragraph?
Might as well pour myself a glass of prosecco.
I drink an entire glass of prosecco in only a few seconds, so I fill the glass again before sitting down on the couch.
Bette is still typing. Well.. That must be one interesting message.
I turn on some music to get myself in a relaxed mood, since Angy was at school anyway.
"Finally, Bette finished typing." So I open her screen to see what took so much time to type.
"Fuck you, Tina. FUCK YOU!"
Oh. Well.. That's must have taken alot of time. Very mature. I decided not to reply, since that would only turn into a fight. I mean.. What was she expecting? That I would just drop Carrie for her, just because she's done with her little playtoy?
I wasn't going to be her comfort zone to go to when she finally decides that she wants me. Besides.. For how long will she actually want me? I deserve better than someone who keeps prioritizing everyone and everything over me. I love Bette and I always will, but I can't keep letting her hurt me like this.
"Calm down Tina, don't let her get to you." Breathe in and breathe out.. I was starting to feel like a zen lesbian..
A zen lesbian is often a vegan, lesbian who meditates, is spiritual and/or does yoga. A interesting term that Alice had introduced me to.
Talking about Alice.. It's like I'm living alone, she's been spending every day and night with Nat so being here in this house all by myself was starting to get lonely.. Luckily I still had Angy.
And then my phone rings.
"Come stai, baby?" I hear on the other end of the line.
My body started to get a tingly feeling and I instantly got a smile on my face.
"Carrie.. Hey.." I reply, while blushing. I was glad that she couldn't see how shy she made me.
"Yeah, who else? Know any other Italian beauties?" She says, while ending it with a loud chuckle.
I giggled. I'd have to admit that I didn't know any woman as beautiful as her..
I knew for sure now..
I'm in love..
