I grab my phone that's laying on the nightstand besides my bed, a bed that was simply just a bed without her.
She gave everything more warmth, more meaning.
What was life if I didn't have her?
The screen was too bright for my eyes, so I turn down the brightness to let my eyes adjust better to the light.
Ten messages on Whatsapp.
I quickly scroll down to see if Bette is one of the ten messages.
No messages from Bette..
I tap on her name and see that she's online. I desperately wait for her to message me, maybe she didn't have time earlier or maybe she was too sad to be online, maybe...
Bette goes offline again..
Maybe I'm just making too much excuses for her.
Alice barges into my room and throws one of her outfits on my bed.
"Get up, woman. Time to have some fun. I'm taking you shopping!"
Getting up felt like I was carrying a bag of bricks, every step felt like I was trying to make my way through quicksand and every breath felt like the oxygen was being sucked out of me.
I wasn't ready to go out, I wasn't ready to move on and I wasn't sure if I wanted to.
Bette's mindgames of ignoring me was like she was constantly stabbing me in my heart. The hope I had when seeing her online and how quickly it faded again when she went offline.
Maybe going shopping with Alice was exactly what I needed.
I take a quick shower and spray on some Hugo Boss femme, Alice had been using it since she loved how it smelled on me. This fragrence had been my favorite ever since.. Ever since Bette gave me my first bottle.. Everything reminded me of her.
I put on the clothes Alice gave me and look at myself in the mirror.
"You can do this Tina." I even attempt to throw in a quick wink that desperately fails. I take a deep breath and leave the bathroom.
This was going to be my first day as a single woman.
The mall wasn't too crowded, luckily. I can't stand crowded places, it makes me feel anxious in a way.
Alice pulls me into a store that looks more like a candy store than a clothing store. Everything is pink and white, I imagine if Barbie had a store that it would look exactly like this.
"Here, try this." Alice hands me a long pink dress with flowers on it.
I take the dress to a dressing room and put on the dress.
I look down at my legs and can't help but feel a little embarrassed.
I hadn't shaved my legs for a few weeks and it started to look like fur. Warm and comfy, but definitely not something I was comfortable enough with to go outside with.
"Alice? Can you maybe come into the dressing room?" I softly say while peeking out of the side of the dressing room.
Alice, being Alice pulls open the curtains.
"Don't be so shy, you're hot and everyone can see it."
Alice had this way of making you feel uncomfortable and confident at the same time, I guess it's one of the things that I love so much about her.
"You're definitely getting this dress!" She says, while smiling at me from ear to ear.
Then she moves towards me and whispers "Don't worry about your hairy legs. Hair grows there for a reason, you know." And with that she walks away giggling.
What would I ever do without an amazing friend like Alice?
I felt truly grateful to have her in my life.
And for a moment I completely forgot about missing Bette.
After a long day of shopping, Alice takes off her small scarf and uses it to cover my eyes.
"Alice, come on! Where are we going?"
Without saying a word, she leads me somewhere unknown.
"You can sit down now." Alice says and she removes the small scarf that was covering my eyes.
I'm at a hairsalon and I see a beautiful woman with short black curly hair standing behind me, with a smile that could melt the coldest hearts.
"Makeover time!" Alice yells.
And she takes place in the chair next to me.
The unknown woman behind me laughs and says..
"I'm Carrie and I'll be giving you your makeover today."
Carrie.. Such a beautiful name..
Quite fitting for a beautiful woman like her.
