JUST YOU

WELL HELLO, YOU...

Well hello, you...Who are you? Ever since I saw you yesterday through that thin wooden fence that separates the two of us I had always been curious about you. Where do you come from? What's your favourite book? How many times have you..? No! Calm it Joe, you have a daughter now and I can't imagine what Love would do if she found out about you...You, with your auburn hair and your smooth, tanned skin and your dainty little hands...such small hands...no! Don't think about E E Cummings, not now. That's over. She's dead now and I moved on from that years ago. That part of my life is buried and I am never digging it back up again. Never in a million years will I ever think about her again.

Except that I do think about her. I haven't forgotten...how could I? I loved her and every now and then I'll see her. The haunting, bruised up ghost of Guinevere fucking Beck. The face that haunts my fucking nightmares Nantucket born and New York...dead. That's it Joe! She's dead. D-E-A-D dead. You killed her. You didn't want to kill her. Of course you didn't but you had no choice, she forced you. She forced your hand and you had no choice...Beck, Peach, Benji, Elijah, Henderson, Jasper, Ron, jar of piss on the mantelpiece, the car accident, Dr Nicky. It all flashes before my eyes and...NO! No I'm not thinking about that now, I can't afford to think about that now because I just need to focus on you...

"Daddy!"

My new found concentration is broken by my little girl, Abbey. She has her mothers ears and my eyes, brown hair and the sweetest smile...I wonder if your smile could beat out hers? It's tough competition but I think you could do it, you do look very sweet after all and I'm sure your smile is amazing as well.

"Hey sunshine! How's my little girl doing?"

I really want to forget about you and focus on being with my family but I can't. I don't know why but every time I try to pull my mind away from you it finds a way to latch itself back on and just sink it's claws in to the idea of you and me and everything we would do together. Good or bad, stupid or smart, kinky or...

"I drew a picture for you."

Abbey holds out a big piece of A3 paper and smiles sweetly. It's a multicoloured drawing of 3 crudely drawn stick people: One with black, curly hair (me), One with long, brown hair (Love) and a shorter one playing with a sand castle...you. No Abbey, God that is so messed up. Confusing you with my own daughter, how is that even remotely possible? I barely even know you. For now.

"It's beautiful sweetie" I say, and I mean it. I mean it absolutely one hundred percent. "Have you shown it to mommy yet?"

Abbey shakes her head and I smile as I bend down by the waist and rest my big man hands gently on her tiny little toddler shoulders. I imagine how small your shoulders must be compared to hers and how petite and slim your lovely figure is. I bet your body is like eye candy waiting to be unwrapped and eaten alive...

"Well I'm sure she's going to love it so much!" She smiles, so cute.

"I'm going to go and show it to her right now!" She's so sweet and I kiss her on the forehead, my precious little girl, I love her so much.

I kiss her on the cheek and she runs off to show Love her picture. From the kitchen, I hear squeals of motherly joy and I sit down on our black leather couch as the two of them come into the living room and sit down with me to watch Worst Cooks in America and as I drift off to fantasy land, while watching 2 mentors lecture 8 amateur chefs on the importance of adding enough oil in your pan before making scrambled eggs while Love criticises their technique more than Gordon fucking Ramsey, I start to think about you and me...together. Who are you? Where do you come from? Why do you look so...KNOCK, KNOCK! There's a knock at the door and I go to open it up and it's...you. Hello, you.

"Hi, I'm Charlotte. I just moved in next door and I thought I would stop by."

Well...this ought to be a very interesting visit. I never thought I'd be meeting you face to face so soon. I'm so excited and my heart pounds with the kind of anticipation I only ever get when I'm about to have sex with Love because, if I'm being completely honest Charlotte, she's horny like 50% of the time. I can actually smell your perfume from here. Claire De Lune? A little racy for our first meeting but still I'm very much intrigued and, as I invite you inside, I begin to eye you up and down, searching for the answers as to who I think you might be...