The Heart Wants, What The Heart Wants

Too Fast, Too Soon

Jenn's POV

Tonight is the night of the concert, Demi and I got back into L.A two nights ago, and I've been staying at her place. Kris and I still haven't talked, but I hope she's coming around soon. It has been strange, to be staying at another girls place, overnight. I really like Demi, but I'm getting anxious. I'm not used to the whole sleeping in bed with a girl all night thing. I feel kind of suffocated already, it also doesn't help that I haven't done any coke in a few days, the withdrawal is kicking in. I need some space before I literally go insane, which sucks because I like Demi, and I want things to work, its just too soon, too fast. I got out of bed, dug through my suitcase, and got out the bag of coke I bought, when I was back home. I bought a lot more than I normally do, because this stuff is stronger and better than what I normally get.

After taking a shower and getting ready, I went downstairs, to the smell of breakfast and coffee already made. I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen, where I saw Demi standing at the counter with a cup of coffee in one hand, and her phone in the other. She's bent over the counter with her ass sticking out a little, I smirked, as I walk over to her, and wrap my arms around her, "Morning sexy." I husk in her ear. She shivers and smiles at me.

"Morning, you, how'd you sleep?" Demi asks me. I kiss her on the shoulder and make myself a cup of coffee.

"Good, I'm going out for a drive for an hour or so, I just need to get some fresh air." I tell Demi, trying to stay calm and look okay. I don't want to give off that I've been feeling uncomfortable. She is a great girl, and I do like her, I just need to relax and take this slow, before I do something to screw it up. I definitely don't want to hurt her, but this is already too much too fast.

Demi turns around a looks at me with an eyebrow raised, "Are you okay?" She asks with concern in her voice. I grip the coffee cup, willing my hands to stop shaking, because the withdrawal is getting to me.

I try to give Demi the best reassuring smile I can, "Yea everything is fine, I just like to take my car out and drive for an hour or so. Be alone with my thoughts." I tell her. Demi searches my eyes, and sighs.

"Okay then, have fun." Demi says and turns around to go back on her phone. I close my eyes and let out a silent breath. I finish up the coffee, and give her a kiss on the cheek.

I grab my keys, "I'll be back soon." I tell Demi, and head out the door. I get in my car, and drive a few blocks away from her place before I park. I get out the small bag of coke that I separated, and do a few key bumps to calm me down. I close my eyes and wait till it hits me. When it finally does, I relax and drive to the beach, but not before I stop and get a pack of cigarettes first.

Once I arrive at the beach, I walk to my special place, where I sit down, and light up a cigarette. I sit here and think about everything that's happened in the last few weeks. I've gone three and a half weeks with no sex, which is making me irritable. Then, Demi shows up a week ago to Candyce's, which was amazing, don't get me wrong, I'm glad she told me how she felt, because I feel the same about her. Its just hard, strange, and different for me, I'm not used to being with one girl, or in a relationship period. No, we aren't in a relationship yet, I need to take this slow or I'll push Demi away. My best friend is right though, if I don't at least try, I know I'll take it out on myself, because I do like Demi.

I sigh, my head is all fucked up. I take out the coke and do a few more bumps. At least tonight, I'll be out with Jojo and Kris at the concert and I will have some space from Demi. I'm hoping that tonight, I can apologize to Kristen face to face, and we can be okay again. I miss my best friends, and moving back in with them might help with this stress. Living with Demi is only going to cause me to retreat and pull away. I pull out my phone to see its 11:43 am, I send a text to Jojo, 'Hey love, what time are we supposed to be at the concert tonight?' I ask.