Upside Down [mxm] [editing]

Chapter 2

Alex didn't know what to do.  No, that was a lie.  He knew exactly what to do.  What he needed to do was a whole lot of nothing.   Yes, it had been surprising to see Julian the other night, but the other man's sudden reappearance into Alex's life changed nothing.  Julian may have been successful and married and still as handsome (perhaps even more so) as he'd been when they were younger.  But Alex was finally getting to the point he'd clawed so long for.  The whole reason he'd let Julian leave that night was so that Alex could get to where he was.   Yes, things were different now, the world seemingly more accepting, but Alex has been in the closet so damn long that coming out would either seem like a grab for another constituency or an admission that he'd been lying all along.   Politicians lied for a living, but it never really worked out well when the people who voted for you began to notice.

So it was simple, any continued contact could only serve to complicate things, and not just for Alex either.   Of course it was possible that it wouldn't complicate things for Julian at all.  Maybe the meeting hadn't caused even a single ripple in Julian's life.  Knowing those truths didn't seem to help Alex, though.  In fact he had hardly been able to think of anything other than Julian for the past week.   Whether he'd had the dreams Alex had, the memories, or the regrets. 

The current meeting Alex was in wasn't helping his concentration either.  Teleconferences had always annoyed him, he considered himself much more charming in person, and this meeting especially  didn't really require his attendance.  In that moment the comptroller was arguing with the Mayor's deputy and if Alex pinched the bridge of his nose any harder he was worried he might break it.

He also had the option of doing something else entirely.

Leaning back in his desk chair, a mammoth thing made of far too fine leather, Alex fished his phone out of the breast pocket of his blazer.  In all the years since they'd lived together Alex had changed his number now and again, mainly as was needed for work, but he had always carefully brought his contacts along.  Not for Julian, although there was some strange comfort in the knowledge he was there.  No, Alex knew you never could predict the need to call in a favor.   Or, as the case may be, bother a long-lost lover. 

One sentence was hurriedly tapped out, and then promptly deleted.  A paragraph came next, before it too was backspaced into nothingness. Alex had always been a silver tongued devil, but even he didn't know how to start this conversation.   Somehow "You looked great the other night."  felt cheap and "I couldn't breathe when I saw you again." felt far too sappy.  Was that even what he was going for?   Did he know?  

Hey. wound up being his three letter missive. It was hardly groundbreaking as far as text messaging went, but it served its purpose.  Julian had probably changed his number anyways and none of it would matter.  Alex could go back to pretending to pay attention to his meeting - by the way, no one told him what a huge part of the job this would be - and let the memory of their chance meeting fade away. 

Of course, his phone could also trill all too loudly when a reply came, drawing the attention of Alex's colleagues as he quickly silenced his phone and waved their gazes away. 

I'm sorry I don't recognize this number.  There was a brief pause before another message followed.  Oh it's you isn't it.

Alex beamed then, doing his best to hide a shockingly boyish smile from his colleagues behind his hand.  Maybe.

Jesus Alex.  Yeah, that was definitely Julian replying, Alex could almost hear his voice as he typed those words.  Why are you texting me?  You know what, never mind.  Don't answer that. I don't really want to know.

Apparently Julian still sent text messages like he always had.  Stream of conscious style.  Even when all he'd had was a flip phone.  Okay.  Alex replied, waiting to see what sort of barrage he'd be met with next.  Looking forward to it more than he cared to admit.  It took a few minutes, leaving Alex to worry that what had started back had ended just as quickly, but a comforting buzz on his thigh reassured him that it hadn't.  It wasn't over yet. 

Am I still Hawkeye on your phone?  Hardly the question that Alex had expected but a valid one he guessed. 

Maybe. The grin was back in full force, Alex not even bothering to hide it anymore.  So what if he was smiling down at his phone?  They'd all just figure that  he was texting the brunette from the other night.  And, really, he was.  Just not the one that  they were imagining.

You know no one else would ever understand that right? Ready to object Alex straightened in his seat, looking quite sternly at the phone before he found himself interrupted.  No. Stop typing whatever defense of that nickname you're attempting to make  right now.  People didn't know what MASH was when we were young.  They're certainly not going to know what it is now.  Plus there's that whole other guy.

Other guy?  Confusion registered on Alex's features, causing the comptroller to stumble in her spiel, which in turn forced Alex to interact for a few moments in order to pretend like he'd been listening. 

Yeah.  The buzz of that alert had so rapidly become addicting.  The one in the super hero movies. I don't know. Dick likes them.

Maybe this had been a bad idea.  I bet Dick likes lots of things.  Yup.  Registering up there among one of the worst. 

Shut up. Lord, he was snippier than Alex remembered.  You've ruined that for me now.  I hear Hawkeye and all I think about is Alan Alda and Hawaiian shirts.  Not buffed up Jeremy Renner with some unlikely bow and arrow.

You've never been into buff guys.  Knowing someone so well even after being apart from them for so long was a surreal feeling.  You like 'em tan and fit but not buff.  I always figured it was because you didn't want to have to put that much effort in yourself.

Tan and fit?  What?  Like you?  The grin was back once more, mainly this time because Alex knew that he'd been right. He also knew in that moment all Julian was thinking about was just how tan and fit Alex had been. And, maybe, just how tan and fit he was right now.  Alex, what are we doing?  No sigh accompanied those typed words, but Alex could almost feel them.  What the fuck am I doing.  Why did you text me?

The answer was much more complicated than the simple response Alex sent.  I'm ignoring a meeting.

Well so am I but you know very well that wasn't what I was asking.  Alex had been wondering  how Julian'd found the time to trade these texts with him.  They'd both always been very career oriented, even if it was in their own unique way.  I'm married Alex.   To a man I love.  Who loves me back.  We have kids, you know, as in children, plural.

That wasn't expected, but luckily Alex suppressed his reaction quick enough that none of the other meeting attendees had time to notice the way in which Alex's brows had knitted together.  You're the one who replied.  You didn't have to.

A moment passed and then another before once again the buzz was back. I didn't know who you were.

You did.  Alex had no doubt about that. 

I did. Came almost immediately after with damnit following a few moments after that.