Upside Down [mxm] [editing]

Chapter 18

"Are you done yet?"  Alex's voice held the harsh and annoyed quality it often took on when someone was boring him and he didn't have time for it.  He knew it wasn't Sam's fault, she had all rights to be flabbergasted. But Alex was on the other side of inebriated, he was tired, and sad, and Julian was standing in his living room with a suspicious stain on his blazer pocket. 

Julian, who had broken into his apartment. And for what reason?

Pinching his nose, Alex sighed, pouring himself another handful of whiskey (screw a finger or two) before taking a great gulp.  The half a cannoli he'd managed wasn't settling well, and all he really wanted to do was go to bed and wake up a year prior.

"Alex."  Julian's voice was beginning to become grating, the soft, attention commanding way he used it to say Alex's name.

"No."  Alex jammed a finger in the good doctor's direction.  "Shut up."  Julian looked unfazed by Alex's snapped word.  In fact he looked pleasant and understanding and Alex wanted to throw his drink in Julian's stupid, handsome face. 

"Wait."  Sam, for her part, sounded more perplexed than ever, repeating the question again. "You and Julian?" 

"Yes."  Alex nodded.

"This whole time?"  Her gaze moved back and forth from her brother to Julian.

"There was a big break between."  Reaching out to sooth her, Alex stroked his hand over her back.

"But I was what," Julian thought out loud, still standing in the foyer, "I was twenty, so Alex would have been nineteen." 

"Twenty years?"  She asked, wide eyed and disbelieving.

Alex felt a lump wedge itself in his throat. "Yeah."  He nodded. "Yeah, I guess it's been that long." 

"So why are you married to someone else?"  It was a simple enough question, but it still took Alex by surprise when Sam asked it. Julian, it seemed, hadn't been expecting it either. 

"It's not that simple."  They spoke in unison, words combining for the fleeting moment, snapping their focus to one another. 

"I don't know why people keep making things so damn complicated."  She snatched her purse off the island, along with what was left of the box of cannolis.  "I'm glad you told me."  Pushing up on her toes she pressed a kiss against her brother's cheek.  "Dad's gonna disown you.  He's gonna have to retire early now, you know that right?" 

Alex groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"But we'll figure that out later."  She took her brother's hand, squeezing it tightly.  "And we'll tell them together, okay?"

"Love you, Sammie."  Alex squeezed her hand back.

"I know."   Turning toward Julian, Samantha shrugged and strode over to hug him. "It's good to see you.  I think."  Her brow furrowed. "You've got something on your jacket there."  Her mind turned and then caught up with what she was seeing. "Oh, gross!  Gross, gross, gross. Never mind. I didn't see that.  Nope, nope, nope. I'm leaving."

As soon as the door clicked shut, signaling the finality of his sister's disgusted exit, both Julian and Alex burst into tension releasing laughter.  It hadn't gone like Alex had thought, but she still loved him, and that was what mattered. 

Or at least a part of it.

Trying to catch his breath, as well as decide whether or not he was going to burst into tears, Alex soon realized that Julian was right there.  In his space.  Keeping their distance from one another had always proven difficult and this night was no different.  The ups and downs of it were breakneck, and in no way were they any closer to a solution.  But Julian's lips were soft and his mouth was demanding and Alex had never been able to say no to that. 

"Wait."  It took several breathless moments for Alex to get the word out, but eventually he managed, pushing away from the strength of Julian's chest.  "Tell me you left him."   He sought the other man's gaze, searching it for some sort of truth.  "Sam's right.  It doesn't have to be difficult.  Just leave him.  I'm already screwed."

Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, Julian took a step away from Alex, clearing his throat.  "I did talk to Dick." 

Alex thought that he should be feeling happy, but there was something off in Julian's demeanor.

"I figured with everything coming out he'd piece it together sooner than later and it wouldn't be fair to him or the kids."  

Instead of joy bursting in his heart, Alex felt his stomach drop. 

"We decided to try and make it work." 

Setting his jaw, Alex nodded, speechless, unable to breath.

"I love you Alex, you know I do.  But I can't do this to them.   I owe him and the girls another chance."

"So why are you here?"  His voice croaked, it was so hard to talk at all, lost as he was between unfashionable anger and pain.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

A bitter laugh ripped from Alex.

"I did.  And I wanted to give you your keys.  And, well most important, I wanted to tell you not to give in from this.  Dick said he'll double his contributions, triple even if you need them."  Julian reached out but Alex jerked away. 

"You came here to tell me not to resign."

"You're good at your job."  Julian smiled.  "You always have been.  I know this isn't what you want Alex, and I know you've never been the one to make a difference, but I think you can."

"I really, really hate you right now." 

"Dick and me and the kids are going to be leaving the city for a while.  I got an offer from Doctors Without Borders a couple months back, but I hadn't planned on taking it for obvious reasons.  Now though."  He shrugged a shoulder. "Dick can always use a good tax break, so we're going to go build a hospital."

"Get out."  Alex was barely able to hold it together anymore.  He couldn't take Julian standing there so nonchalantly talking about the rest of his life, one which Alex wasn't going to be a part of. 

"I didn't mean for it to happen this way.  I'm sorry." 

"I'm fucking sick of your sorry, get out."   He'd intended to shout it, but the determined fire gave way to exhausted desperation.  "Just leave already."

Julian looked as though he was going to protest, but decided not to in the end, dropping Alex's apartment keys onto the sideboard before turning to slip out the door.  "See you in ten years, yeah?"