Why can't I just die?

I'm hurting, I'm hurting,

A sorrowful night, body feeling swept away in a void of forever falling.
I see nothing but darkness and blurred faces of those I love.
But why can't I see more clearly to fully know I'm telling you these thoughts?
Why can't I see if I'm a fool telling problems to a liar?

Mask lay on his bed, face buried in the suffocating fabric and matress he call a bed. His body felt numb besides the warmth spread across his face from crying his eyes dry. He barely could breathe through the pillow, through the snot and tears he cry, through the painful thoughts he had. He didn't feel happiness, a will to continue. Yet he roll over to take a choked gasp for sweet fresh air of his room. His body tremble and shiver as he now lay on his back and recover from his crying session that had been going on for hours, not a wink of sleep between it all.


Yet he stand up after a bit more dismotivating thoughts.


Mask shakily stood up, nearly falling from how weak he was from not eating. He trembled more as he simply wipe away his pathetic tears, eyes more puffy. They always believed the hayfever acting up excuse, it was rediculously easy to get away with being an emotional wreck. How funny how the ones you've known for years never seem to notice your weaknesses.

Mask pushed out of his room, ignoring each of the S4's fellow rooms and sliding down the hallway to get some pain killers. The medicine he had affectionately named Happy Pills. His steps light and stumbly, he staggered into the bathroom to basically fall over and grasp the handle for the medicine cabinet to be opened. His hands instantly grabbed the white bottle of pills and turned the cap for the scent of his candies to fill his senses. He needily just shook the bottle for two tiny pills to fall out and shoved them into his mouth dry.

His tastebuds were numb to the taste of the pills so he barely reacted to even having them. He swallowed their bitterness down and sighed with somesort of relief. Mask then just set down the pills into their respective place beside what else was there. He looked towards his pills meant for his hayfever and grasped one of the bottles there to take one. Again, dry. He placed it back where it was meant to go before standing up less shakily and exiting the bathroom. At this point, it was nearly time Army would be waking up so he had to hurry back to his room. Maybe escapism would be fine for now.

As Mask slide into his room, he tiredly just turned on his gamer PC and slid on his headphones. He sniffled and entered in his password on the glowing keyboard he coloured after people he loved. His excuse for it if anyone saw was just because 'It's just a keyboard. Plus, I live with these dumbass squids.' Feelings for them were probably just one way anyways. He then just sighed and clicked onto his games to play and found himself just absent mindedly playing a rythem game. His fingers may tap each key on point, but he wasn't truly enjoying himself in this time.

As each calm tap and flex of his fingers get him closer to the end of the song
As each moment he tear himself away from reality go on
As each thought whirr in his poisoned and toxic brain
He still hurt deeply inside himself.

Mask's clicks began to slow as he realize his name was being called. He checked the time carefully and coughed at the fact he'd wasted two hours away playing this game and he hadn't realized it. His hands shook as he now pause the game and stand up to open his door and whisper out a croaked.
"Whaaaaat?"

"Mask my guy, you're going to miss the toast and scrambled eggs- Get down here before we devour them without you~!"

Aloha's voice rang out down the hall as Mask stare at him being all smiley and happy at the seventeenth step of our staircase and feel a stab in my heart, one mixed with jealousy yet love for his attitude. The cyan inkling grumbled and walked down the small hallway to the stairs slower than anyone else in the house like every other day. 
"You can haaave them fooor aall I care, Alooha..."
He grumbled, only coming so they weren't going to pester him any longer. He wasn't going to eat, he was going to simply drink water and say he got up in the night to eat, so he wasn't hungy

Such a simple thing to do.

Mask walk down and at the last creaky step, he turn to avoid the living room's couches lousily and just slid into the kitchen where Aloha had run so fast that he was already sitting and excitedly kicking his legs a bit while laughing at his own jokes with Skull just listening along. Mask forced himself to ignore the painful feeling of need and want for a simple I love you from someone as he grab a glass of water.

"Mask, are you hungry today?"
Army asked, the short boy cooking eggs on the stove and carefully watching the toast in the toaster on the side every now and then. Mask said nothing at first as a short moment of no reaction before finally doing so. He looked up and quietly shook his head, forcing the glass of water to his lips for him to simply take a drink of it. His reaction to having the liquid in his mouth and eventually down his throat was a slight gag.

Mask then looked towards Aloha and Skull again, biting his lip softly before looking back to Army. His heart continued to ache as he just sigh and so he looked down at his cup of water. He sipped more of the liquid and then reached to put it gently in the sink before dropping it and shattering the glass in the metal liquid providing tub. He barely reacted and sighed softly, letting out a gentle 'Sorry'. He lost track of his hearing and just simply picked up the larger shards to clean them out the sink. His hands stung as he grasped each shard a bit too tight, yet he continue to do so with each shard he add to his collection of things to clean up.

He felt like nobody was there, so he acted like it, ignoring sounds, ignoring sights. So he just walked towards the trash can to simply drop the shards into the trash, then balling his hands back to fists and grumbling ever so softly;
"I'll be iiiiin my rooooom.."
He turned around but felt the hand of someone on his back and therefore they tug on his shirt. Annoyance and confusion filled him so he turned around to face Army, struggling to look down at his height.

"Mask, you sure you're okay recently?"
Army asked softly, blinking with concern filling the orange eyes that now devoted their attention towards Mask instead of the breakfast. However much Mask knew the true answer to that question though, his mind was one of good lies to hide the rotten apple underneath that sweet caramel coating. So he nodded briefly and tightened his fists to not let the blood poor from the palms.

"..Iiiii'm fine..."
For a moment, even Mask himself believed that sweet little lie. He blinked, world darkening as he open them again. The world around him just showed him the truth, really. Army, hates him for never caring. Aloha, hates him because he's unhappy. Skull, hates him for just being in the way. How come he love those who hate him?

He opened his eyes again to see their shells and personas of caring for him and stayed silent, walking away to the staircase, one step after another made him get closer to his room where he could hide from the world. Just ignore another pointless day.

So Mask sat in his room again on his bed to sulk like that one book on your bookshelf you'll never read. You own it, have a general idea of it... But the content is unknown otherwise. As he thought of these ways to describe how worthless he was, those painful stabbing tears pricked his eyes as he began to cry again. His chest tightened and hurt, so he locked his door before burying his face into the pillow of his bed.

Why did he have to be so worthless?
Just another throw away character in this world?
A background character that one will never think of.
Nobody will realize he never shows up.
Funny how being trapped in your crying space...
Makes you realize how pointless life is.
How pointless your life is.