Unfound

2

The first time, you're young, and clueless, and don't know better. You're naive. This time, you're nineteen, in college, declared a major in psychology and criminal justice, with wonderful friends and a legitimate boyfriend who you love and are probably going to marry. How did it happen? 

Now that... that's a good question that I too would like the answer too. 

They always tell you to be careful of stranger danger and always have a buddy, but in college all you're doing is meeting strangers. You have classes full of strangers, orientation is when you're surrounded by strangers for a week trying to get to know all about them. Even your professors are strangers at first. And how much do you really know about those who you think are your friends. Full name, hometown, age even? Those can be easily made up, a new persona that doesn't actually exist. How do you know who actually has pure intentions? How are you supposed to know who is good and who wants to keep you as their slave in their basement for weeks? Tough distinction, but very critical. 

Not everyone seems to be a creep or those who may originally be strange can end up being some of the nicest people you meet just with a few quirks. You don't expect every person to try and attack you, to take you for their own. It would be a lot easier if everyone could just wear name tags or labels that say "Hi, My name is __ and I would like to kidnap you if that's alright with you" because that is a tell tale sign that that is maybe not a good person.

I've taken many self defense, karate, and jiu jitsu classes as well as whatever else I could do to keep myself protected since what happened after the first incident, but it's not actually helpful in the real world. You can't just ninja kick a bad guy if he's not wearing all black and invites you to fight or is a sensai that is instructing you on your form. He's not even a random dude that you've met on the streets or who's making a play at you or trying to slip something into your drink. Once you think you're friends you let your guard down, then all of a sudden he has you in his basement and you're pretty much stuck, especially since failed attempts of escape could end with your own death which would be less than ideal. 

So, for some context, this ass hole, his name was Seth and he seemed pretty normal and actually kind of sweet when we first met. He was good looking but not the kind of handsome what would get attention everywhere he went, but if he came up to you, you wouldn't turn him down. I should have. We bumped into each other in the cafeteria and just started talking from there. He had come to campus from Colorado with the hopes to major in politics and government - also known as the first red flag I missed. He then told me his name was Seth - second red flag since Seth is literally the name of the roman god of Chaos - who was struggling through his junior year of college. When I told him my name, he whispered it under his breath as if testing to see the way it felt on his tongue, "Kara," the way he said it made me uneasy, but I didn't listen to my gut. I thought he might have had OCD or some other mental issue where he would have to repeat my name. You don't always think that everyone is always out to get you. 

We talked a little more about general interests and how college had been going so far. He was so kind and interested in what I had to say. How could I have been so naive? He then walked me to one of the tables and sat down across from me. We enjoyed lunch together and found out that we had some interests in common. When we were about ready to leave, he jumped up and took my plate to clear it for me. I thanked him and he gave me his number. He had asked me if I would want to hang out at his place some time. He said that he had an off campus student house all to himself. I thought he was flirting so at first I told him off and explained that I have a boyfriend who I adored very much, trying to show him that I was taken and definitely not looking. He just laughed, his head tilting back, dark, black hair falling in front of his eyes, then offered that Liam could come too if he so wished. Unfortunately, I apologized for jumping the gun on judging him and said that I would love to meet him at his house sometime, hoping it would make up for my incorrect assumption. We then made a plan to meet up the next day after my brunch with Liam.

Red flags: missed. New friend: thought to be acquired. Actually acquired: a stalker with an unhealthy obsession of me which I wouldn't even know the extent of until much later. That's how it happens. Not on purpose or out of care free behavior, but out of naivety. Plain old dumbness. I thought I had just made another college friend. I had no reason to assume malicious intent. I had no reason to be suspicious or to want a body guard or an escort to his place. I thought he just really needed a friend. 

I should have known that out of my two years of being here, he didn't look familiar. I should have known that on such a small campus, I would have seen him at some point, either walking to and from classes or in the cafeteria, even in one of the coffee shops. I should have known that no college student would be able to afford an off campus house with no other roommates. I should have found it strange when he asked if he could meet me and we could walk over to his house together. I should have found it weird when he started to take me into a neighborhood instead of actual off campus student housing. I should have noticed that he was fiddling with something in his pocket, and would not remove his hand from it the entire time he walked. I should have noticed that something was up when he asked to make sure that I didn't find him creepy and that I liked him as a person. I shouldn't have thought of it as a joke. I should have answered honestly that there did seem to be something off about him. I should have ran when we turned the corner away from the street, separating us from the rest of the world. I should have hit him when his hand came out of his pocket holding a plain, white rag, instead of simply questioning him, asking him what he had. I should have punched him in his stupid face when a smile appeared on his lips, followed by what can only be referred to as a purr instead of mistaking it as just odd or strange. I should have done something, anything when he grabbed my arm and pressed the damp cloth to my face, covering my nose and mouth. I should have pretended to pass out earlier instead of struggling and trying to scream. I should have swung my leg up and kicked him in the balls, but they don't teach you about shock or about self defense in an actual dangerous situation. They expect you to know what's happening and to have your wits about you. You have a hold of none of your bearings when an attempted abduction comes out of nowhere. At least I wished it were just an attempted abduction. He should have let me die there out on the street instead of carrying me to his basement where I was sure I would never come back out. 

The first time I was kidnapped, I was young, naive, and completely safe. The second time, I was scared out of my mind.  I didn't think I'd ever make it out alive, see the stars, feel the air, wind or rain on my face. I thought I was a dead woman walking.