Unfound

30

There was a body pressed next to mine, the heat from his flesh burning my back. I was in the motel room. The warmth wasn't from his flesh, but his blood. I tried to sit up, unable to move. Frozen in paralysis. Choking on something, my own blood? Finally I was able to move, sitting up with a start. No sound emerged from me, yet my mouth was open in a scream. He had taken my voice from me. I couldn't get that back. The lights around me were blinding. I couldn't catch my breath, my heart beating so heavily, it threatened to jump through the skin. I clawed at my chest and throat, trying to let in more air. I was drowning.

There were hands on me. Holding me down, grabbing my wrists. He was going to put me into restraints again. Not the ropes. I tossed against the hands, refusing to be held down again. I wasn't going to let him into me again. I was going to fight to the death this time. I closed my eyes from the blinding light and thrashed in their grip, kicking and silently screaming.

There was more than one voice around me, surrounding me, but I only recognized one. It was Liam. I opened my eyes, coming face to face with many wide eyed doctors. All men. They'd never understand. Liam was standing above me, trying to soothe me with his voice.

I yanked my arm from one of the doctors. He tried to grab at me again, but Liam held back his hand, instructing him to leave me be. I wished I could do that for myself. I rested my hand on his cheek. Feeling his face, no stitches or scars to be seen. His hair brown, not blonde or black. It was my Liam. I smiled at him, genuinely relieved. My breathing slowed, calming down, my heart ceased its pounding.

The other doctors released their grip on my wrist and ankles and left the two of us in the room alone. I wanted to speak, but I still couldn't. My voice weak from the tubes and yelling that I had done. But I was safe. I knew that and truly believed it now. I knew my nightmares wouldn't cease, but Liam would always wake me and bring me to my senses.

Liam rubbed my arm, "How are you feeling, Kara?" His soft caress sent shivers up my arm. It was pleasure, not pain. He wasn't looking at me, but he was smiling. He couldn't meet my eyes. I desperately wanted him too. He'd have to see me as this, he's have to know and live with it. I had to as well. It would be hard, but we had to get through this one together. 

I smiled and gently lifted his gaze to meet mine. His eyes were soft and full of concern. I nodded to the crutches that were leaning against the wall. "I should be asking you the same thing." I coughed. My throat dry and scratchy. I didn't recognize my own voice. It didn't come out more than a whisper, but for him I'd be strong, "You didn't tell me the doctor had you on crutches?" I held back the urge to cough again, doing my best to pretend that I was doing better than I was.

He laughed, a wonderful sound, "Honestly, the doctor was surprised I was up and moving already, but I'm more concerned for you. My leg will heal soon enough and crutches aren't that bad." He stared at me intensely, tucking a piece of loose hair behind my ear. I leaned into his touch.

I sighed. "I'm going to have nightmares, Liam." I paused, his name now unusual on my lips. It tasted sweet, I'd missed it, "But I'm safe now, I know that. I'm happy with you next to me. I, too, will be fine soon enough." He nodded once, content with my answer.

He hopped back into the bed with me, swinging his good leg over the side and pulling the rest of himself behind him. I saw him wince, the pain still apparent, but he was trying to hide it well. His football career was definitely over. I could see him better today, my swollen eye opening fuller. I could take in more of his features. He pressed himself in close to me, rubbing the top of my head. My hair now clean, thanks to one of the nurses. I'd still feel his blood on my scalp for weeks, but at least now it was clean. I closed my eyes, practically purring like a cat. Liam chuckled, his chest heaving with his breath. His wounds were still fresh, I guess mine were too, but I hadn't been shot.