BLUE HAWAII sugawara koushi

three. SUGAR IN THE TIDE PODS

 

          Sugawara Tomiko looks like her son, neat drawn eyebrows and wide hazel eyes. Family pictures hung along the entrance hall of their small two-story home tell a story that Koushi's the middle child, his younger brother plays the piano and his older sister does kendo. They have a nice house painted a creamy white with matching jaded green detailing. "This is Aoki Daniel. We went to an alpaca farm up in the mountains."

          "Alpaca!" A younger sibling exclaims as he tumbles out of his room and hugs Koushi's side. His eyes are a little unfocused behind glasses that are a little crooked and his steps are uncertain but it doesn't make any difference to Daniel whether or not Koushi's kid brother had Down's syndrome or not.

          "Hey, what's your name?"

He refuges behind his older brother, Koushi smiles down at his younger sibling. "This is Daniel. He's my friend. Do you want to introduce yourself like mom taught you?"

Immediately, he tips his head forward into a bow as Daniel keeps his face carefully neutral. "My name is Sugawara Kosuke."

The dark haired boy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a polaroid while kneeling down to look Kosuke in the eyes. "Nice to meet you, Kosuke, I'm Daniel. And this is your onii-chan with an alpaca." Kosuke takes hold of the polaroid with wonder in his eyes and it's plain to see that the two are siblings. The way their eyes shine with enthusiasm over the smallest gestures is touching. It's strange to think that such a mundane action like going to see the alpacas, which Daniel's done all his life, could be so foreign to two boys who've never even left the suburbs.

          "Go wash your hands and then we'll eat with Daniel-san." Tomiko reminds the three boys as Kosuke is the first to go wash his hands. He runs around with feverish joy that screams innocence, the polaroid in between his fingers as he rushes to show his mother.

The two boys follow behind, washing their hands as Koushi stops Daniel from progressing to the kitchen with the gentle tug of a hand on a forearm. Daniel looks down, his entire forearm; calcium, phosphate, concealed by cords of skeletal muscle and tendons fits so neatly within Koushi's hand. "Umm thank you Daniel. Sometimes people are a little put off by Suke-chan and I didn't warn you before."

          "Koushi, it doesn't matter." Daniel insists, hoping that the dark of the hallway covers the blush rising in his cheeks against his will. Never before had he realized just how different he was to the boy in front of him who probably felt nothing at human contact like this.

          "But like sometimes it does."

          "Not to me, it doesn't. No matter what you look like, what you think, people deserve a fair shot at the world. So many times people form opinions based on judgement and it's really hurtful and toxic. Kosuke seems like a good kid."

If heart eyes could be a face people could make, Koushi would be the embodiment of it. Daniel exhales rapidly in an effort to get his heart to stop skipping beats, Koushi's still holding onto his forearm. If the boy really tried the gap between his pinky and thumb would be wide enough to circle Daniel's forearm. "Thank you Daniel."

This isn't good for his heart rate at all. "Why are you thanking me for being a moral person? Stop it, I'm getting self conscious."

          "If I had known that Koushi was going to bring home a guest I would've made more side dishes." Tomiko says with a pointed look at her oldest son.

          "It's okay Sugawara-san, I really wasn't intending on staying for dinner but Koushi insisted."

She nods fiercely. Well, her face seems too gentle to properly convey aggression but Daniel follows the conversation as he does with everyone else. "As he should."

          "Try the vegetables, I helped mom pick them up." Kosuke pipes up between his spoonfuls of rice.

Daniel dutifully takes a bite of the vegetables despite his track record of avoiding leafy greens. Sue him, he's a picky eater. It tastes like verified salty shit that swims in his mouth tainting all the previous dishes he tasted politely. Thickly, he swallows down his bite of slightly overgrown bok choy. In theory, foods should taste as beautiful as they looked but that proved to never be the case with emerald greens marinated in a sweet hoisin mixture.

He smiles, charmingly to eliminate all doubts that he doesn't like it, his insides puckering at the rude intrusion of something as arbitrary as vegetables upon his diet of packaged MSG and chrysanthemum tea. "It tastes amazing." He promises with a velveteen smile, the family dinner continues under warm lights and the gentle questions to pass the time.

          Despite the revolting aftertaste in his mouth that remains hours afterwards, Koushi can't help but be fascinated by the cherubs sitting round the table that comprised a Sugawara family dinner.

Driving with Voltaire's magnum opus on his mind is actually quite calming. Everything about that family in that home is relatively therapeutic, there's simply so much love to pass on from the house with emerald shutters. Daniel taps his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the sound of muffled music.

            How much pressure could a family like that withstand, he wonders. For a boy that's that fixated on love, how much hate does he need to absorb before his hearts turn to spades? How much pressure could Sugawara Koushi sustain before each bone in his body breaks? To ponder a way to shatter porcelain was tasteful enough, yet to imagine all the details was not enough, his despicable inhumanity tethered to the body of a boy gone awry will never be enough.