Painting Flowers (A Jack Barakat fanfic)

Chapter 20

*Kathryn's POV*

"Hurry up, Kat! It's not too far!" Jack grins at me through the dark, his face dimly lit by the street lights that tower above us. "I'm going as fast as I can, you big jerk!" I shout back at him. He just laughs and tugs me forward by my wrist, which is already aching from his tight grip and constant pulling. Finally, he stops outside a small, shady-looking place. It looks like some kind of cafe or resturant. I don't like the looks of it. He leads me in. The inside is filled with kids around our age, some older. They don't seem to notice us entering.

Jack takes me to a table and sits down. "They have to clear out of here before sun-up because if they don't, the locals will call the cops. Sometimes they call them at night and everyone has to run and it's insane." He has a wild grin on his face as he tells me this. Any other day I would've found this absolutely fascinating but this evening I'm just not feeling it. I feel too vulnerable and afraid of the world to be around so many people right now.

"We're not going to end up in a police station again, are we Jack?" I ask in a low voice. He laughs and reassures me that we'll be out well-before anyone can call the police. What I assume is a waitress, with her deep blue hair and facial piercings in various places, comes to take our order. I haven't even seen the menu, but Jack seems to know what to get. She leaves shortly after Jack finalizes our order and he turns back to me, looking a little more serious.

"Kat I um..." He looks down and sighs. "I'm sorry about your parents."

The mention of them is enough of a stab to my chest to make me want to burst into tears hysterically. My entire life was flipped upside down in a matter of seconds. In a mere moment. When Isobel told me they were never coming back. How the hell are you supposed to recover from that? At 16 years old, how are you supposed to react to hearing, "You'll never be able to wish your mother a happy Mothers Day or your father a happy Fathers Day without staring at a cold, stone slab and a patch of earth." How are you supposed to react to hearing, "At your wedding, there will be no one to walk you down the aisle." How was I supposed to react to, "You'll never be able to introduce your children to your parents and tell them they have grandparents on their mothers side." and how the hell are you supposed to react to, "It'll never be the same to say "I love you mum" or "I love you dad" ever again, because you were too late." How? How the hell am I supposed to react to that? How does anyone react to that? My entire world came crashing down on me within a matter of moments and I don't know whether to hold it in or burst like a bubble at that sharp, unintentional blow Jack has just delivered to me. I'm so confused. I am so damn lost.

I don't respond at all. Simple. I look down at the table and bite my lip. We sit in silence for a while, till our food comes. It's only a pizza and some fries but I'm not hungry. Jack looks concerned as he eats and watches me sit there in silence, staring at the graffiti carved into the table. "Kat, you gotta eat something. Please. Even if it's just a few fries or a slice of pizza or something. I don't wanna see you go down that road." He sounds worried. I don't want to worry him or anything, so I pick up a slice of pizza and hesitantly take a small bite. He seems content with my small effort. "Good?" He asks, smiling at me warmly. I nod a little. He sighs and hesitantly holds my hand. Why is he trembling? Is something the wrong? Have I upset him? I take another bite of the pizza to reassure him I'm fine, but I don't think that's the issue. He has that look in his eyes. As though he's about to tell me something important. That little Jack Barakat quality. He opens his mouth to speak, but not fast enough.

"Cops!" Someone screeches from somewhere in the room and the entire place goes into panic. Kids are running around insanely, trying to get out. Jack stands up and drags me out quickly and we run. He drags me out the back but I can still hear the screams of the kids trying to outrun the police from afar. This is pure insanity. 

We keep running. We're far from it, but Jack keeps running. What is he running from? What are we running from? Everytime I slow down, he prompts me to keep going because we're nearly there. The streets fly past us in a blur of lights, so quickly that there is no time for me to even begin to try to guess where I am. Where on earth are we going? 

Finally, he stops. I don't know where we are, or what this place is, but it's beautiful. In front of me is a lake. Just a lake. An ordinary lake. But the moonlight reflecting off the face of the water makes it look so much more magnificent than that. I feel as though I'll be staring at this until the sun rises. "Where are we, Jack?" I ask quietly.

"That crappy little lake down the road from the school." He says. I don't believe him. Could this really be that disgusting, trash-filled lake? "It's so much more beautiful from this side though. Especially at night." He's just stating facts now. Jack sits down with me beside the lake and we stare at the reflection, the way the moonlight glistens off the surface so flawlessly. "I've been thinking Kat... And I just..." He begins to say something and I look at him curiously.

"Yes, Jack?" I say as I lean my head on his shoulder, continuing to stare at the vast expanse of water before us.

"I-I think I'm in love with you..." He whispers shakily, obviously nervous. "When I'm with you it's just... It's not a crush. It's not a fling... There's something about you, Kathryn... I'm completely infatuated with you... And there's nothing I can do to stop that. You are honestly just so beautiful to me... You just... I can't explain it..." 

I look up at him, pulling myself away from his shoulder. I am genuinely surprised by what he's just said. "Jack, do you..." I begin to trail off as I bring my gaze to his moonlit face slowly. "Do you really mean that? You're not just saying it out of sympathy for me or something?" My voice is soft and I wouldn;'t be surprised if he couldn't hear me.

"Of course I mean it, Kathryn..." He smiles a little, that cheeky Jack Barakat smile. "I just feel like... The way I feel about you, it's not a high school crush thing anymore it's just... It's something more than that. Something more serious than that." He takes my face in his hands gently and continues. "I want to be able to call you mine... I want you to call me yours... I just... I want you, Kathryn." He whispers that last part for my ears only. Not for the trees to hear and tell one another in the language of the rustling of their leaves. Not for the wind to pick up and carry around for the ears of everyone. For me and me only. I feel butterflies explode inside of me. Is he asking me to be his girlfriend? I would love that, more than anything. But I just...

"Jack... I-I can't..." I whisper, tears filling my eyes. I'm completely devastated by this but it's just for the moment, right?

"Oh... Why... Why not?" he asks, obviously upset by my response just as much as I am.

"I-I need a best friend right now, Jack... Not a boyfriend... I just..." I sigh and look away, ashamed of myself. "I want this, more than anything. You have no idea how much I've wanted this for, Jack. But I just don't think I'm in the right position, emotionally, at the moment to be having a boyfriend. I'm so sorry Jack..." I can't stop myself from crying, mid-sentence. I'm so disappointed, but I can't put Jack through this. I've just lost my parents and no doubt I'm only going to go downwards from here on out. I can't have Jack be forced to look after me or help me or deal with me. It's not fair on him. I could never do that to him.

"Hey, it's alright. I understand." He says as he hugs me close to him. "But just... I'll always be waiting if you change your mind. Alright?" 

I nod and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him back and resting my head on his chest. "Alright." I croak out softly and flutter my eyes shut slowly as I listen to the steady beat of his heart. If that steady beat were to ever cease to exist, I would have nothing left. I'd still have Alex of course, but he'd just remind me of Jack too much. It'd hurt too much to be around him. I can't stop myself from falling asleep on his chest and realizing that I may have lost almost everything that kept me alive, but that's not to say I have nothing to live for. I have Jack. I still have him and his smile. I still have my best friend. And now I know that he loves me in the same way I love him and that's more than enough for me to keep living off.