Shards

His room isn't him anymore.

At home, it's harder to feel determined to get the truth.

When you're in a room that belonged to a person you knew so well, it's hard to think they could have been hiding something. 

Seeing something that represented Angelo, the Angelo that I knew, makes me want to believe that this was him. This room was my brother, everything about him. The pictures on the walls, the books on the shelf, the drawings on the desk. That was Angelo. Angelo was this room, not Lou and Kylie's secrets, not some gang.

I've always associated Angelo with his room, ever since he died. He loved his room, it was his safe space.

It's time for me to move on from that. His bedroom isn't him anymore. 

Maybe it never was.

I start with his desk, looking through the piles of messy papers in his drawers. There are a lot of papers and various items that I could take and inspect but they're not worth the trouble, I don't think I could They'res an envelope with the entirety of it being covered in names. Turning the envelope around, it hits me that I don't know most of these names. Except for one.

Lou.

I don't have time to keep looking at it though. I put the envelope into my bag and keep searching through his draws, to no avail. It's around 20 minutes later when I finish. 

I know I had to be thorough, but goddamn does this guy have a lot of drawers. I wonder why he has so many papers. 

But there's nothing important. Only school papers and work papers and college papers. Only things that make him seem normal. There are only things that remind me that he's the same person. I guess everything here reminds me that he's a normal person. I'm about to move on from is desk, there's ovbiously nothing here.

The drawings on his desktop catch my eye, though. 

I don't recognize the people that are drawn, but they have names in the corner so I think I can take them and find them on the internet somewhere. Maybe their names are on the envelope, but I don't have the time to check right now. Mom will be home soon and she wouldn't want me rampaging through Angelo's room, she yelled at me last time I was in here. 

Angelo has always been the best artist I know. He's drawn me and Kylie a thousand times and I still get chills when I see them. They're so beautiful.

I sweep the drawings into the bag i had brought and move on towards his bed. 

If Angelo were hiding something here, it wouldn't be underneath the mattress. Depending on what the item is, the mattress could break it. If it were a paper, it would be crumpled. So he wouldn't hide it underneath the mattress, in fear of messing whatever it is up. 

At least, that's what he would want someone to think while looking for secret things in his room.

Lifting up the mattress with one hand, I grab a wrinkled Manila folder with the other. 

Angelo knew everyone better than that.

But I know my brother better than that, I can't help but think he wanted me to find this.