A golden route (an arranged marriage)

chapter 2

On reaching the first junction to Mr. Gandur’s house, even though everything looked normal, I still felt something was different. There was an unusual feeling that something was about to happen, I couldn’t determine whether that was a good feeling or not. This feeling made my palms sweat and my heart beat faster I was overwhelmed with fear which only subsided when I, upon entering found everything to be in place.

As usual, Mr. Gandur was relaxing on his lazy chair enjoying the calming view of the colorful vegetables growing on his gross farmland. That was not the same story for his wife, Rahina. She had suffered in the cold hands of sickness, like the stories I had been told of my mother. Her condition has been a roller coaster for the past year and two months, the greatest hits being felt in the last two months, I had no doubt she had near the end of her life on earth. However, contrary to my thoughts and that of almost half of the people in my village she had survived the upsurge and was in a stable condition. She looked comfortable lying on her bed in the bedroom. She could even sit up on her own within intervals of lying. How relieved I was to find out my fear only existed in my thoughts.

Mr. Gandur was a powerful man in our village. And as expected from the leader of the village elder’s council, he had played the role of a strong and emotion deprived leader who seemed unaffected by the conditions of his home. He however struggled to hide all his insecurities which has been a daily battle. 

The day’s work seemed already sectioned, from sweeping to dusting to washing arranging and cooking I was worn out. All I looked forward to was getting rest under the farmers’ shed even before I got home. With this prospect on my mind, I set my heart to a joyful place, which seemed to temporarily fill out the gap left in my heart by the absence of my dear Akash. 

Just as I got ready to leave, I was prompted to see Mrs. Gandur before I did. These words hit me hard and for some reason I felt in wasn’t a love message she was about to deliver. As I entered the room, I felt a heavy cloud over my head; I walked slowly across the room and finally stopped by the floor mat in front of her bed. She struggled to pull herself up to a sitting position and I looked on very concerned.

Her voice was firm but soft, ‘sit down’ she said,

I reclined to the floor mat and signaled my readiness.

She mumbled softly, “I see you as a daughter, and I treat you as one too, that is why I am concerned, and I would like to know your opinion on these“.

 My heart sunk, I couldn’t imagine a worst time for such an interrogation.  I knew this was a train wreck only headed for disaster.

 So she begun; when do you plan to be married off?

 Even before I could open up to give an answer, she gave me a long lecture on how young men in our village and neighboring ones may not be responsible fathers to my children and how it was tradition unbroken to let the elders in the family find me a suitable match. Like a drama, I watched and listened to her go through a ton of questions which by the way she wasn’t ready to hear answers to.

 Then she moved on to lectures about health, perceptions of life and realities, home management, advice, commendations, rebukes, reprimands and also real life experiences. I felt I had been put in a position where my actions and inactions reflected sharply on my father and his family. I struggled to keep my eyes open and listen to her. I would nod occasionally as if I understood and absolutely agreed with her. However all I wanted was to immediately flee her presence into a cave if that will mean a longer distance between us.

What was actually some minutes looked more like hours of uninterrupted lecture, most of which I fought hard to stay up and hear. Even though I was very confused by the nature of the conversation, I just had to agree with Mrs. Rahina, I thanked her, and touched her feet as a sign of respect paid out to elderly ones.

All I could think of as I left the house was how sticky a situation I could be in because I knew I was definitely in trouble of the one thing or another. And this could be the one thing I had absolutely wished and prayed against for myself as long as I could remember. All that kept me going was my unflinching desire to find answers to these mind-blowing questions I had in mind.

   As I got home that evening, my main motive was to gather as much information as possible on all that was happening and had been happening for some few weeks now. Evidently I had fail to see the seriousness in the signs that were present. It had been a long time coming I finally felt it was here. My sad demeanor was noticeable even from a mile away and my father realized it.

“You are not yourself “he said in his husky voice.

“Papa am confused” a matted out softly.

“You can talk to me about it I assure you”.

Without wasting any time at all, I firmly asked: ‘Are u marrying me off?’

He tried his possible best to convince me there was nothing to be scared of, yet that would not simply satisfy me, I persisted. On seeing how determined I was, he gave in.

Standing with his back towards me, he gave out a deep sigh and mumbled:

“Am sorry Suma, I know you want to complete your schooling before…….” I gave out a gape of air followed by soft sobs. He pulsed and spoke even softly,

“He will take good care of you, he will send you to a bigger school in the city. His family has promised me this.”

My sobs grew intense, tears flowed down my red cheeks, I tried hard to talk but no words come out, all I could do was tear up and gape for air. I knew there was very little I could do at this point, it had been pretty much settled, and my dad had sold me out into slavery! My story after all was not any different from any young Bengali girl from my village, however I felt betrayed because I thought about this many times with my papa, I had begged him on countless occasions to allow me complete my education at least. Each time he had assured me not to worry.

He started rubbing my back, “you know I want the best for you, I will never make any decision about my dear Suma, unless it was the best for her. I am growing old, I can’t provide for this family like I used to, I need help. But he is a good man, he will take good care of you”

At that point I seemed to have gained back my ability to speak, and a ton of questions just found their way out of my mouth  

“Who is he? Where is he? Do I know him? Does he know me? Am I his choice or his parents’ choice? I cried out more desperately, “Who will take care of you papa? Who will care for Nilima? She’s so young you all need me papa” I fought through the tears. “Papa please I don’t want to leave my home, my father, my family, all my friends and my life all for someone I don’t know, I don’t want to,” I cried out.

My father felt the pain in my heart,

“I wish I could change this but it has been long done Suma, am sorry. I can’t turn back on my word “

I gave way to more tears. My father, clearly overwhelmed with my emotions sent for my aunt Sheeva to come over to console me some more.

Unlike my father, Mashi Sheeva did not understand why I had a problem with marriage at my age and why I was resisting marriage to someone the family had chosen as right for me. Like most elder women in my village she didn’t understand why I complained, my time was long overdue.

With a very stern look on her face, she said

“I am uncomfortable and even ashamed when I see girls your age with their own families to care for, it makes me think that we didn’t bring you up well after my young sister passed away” she parted with some drops of tears.

Her method of consoling had been extremely though and manipulative, completely different from that of my father’s.

After all that had happened today, my mind was a whirlwind. Absolutely confused, sad and completely broken, I went to bed drained and exhausted, hoping my bed will give me refreshment, strength and ideas for tomorrow.