Bittersweet Attractions

Chapter 1

It had been a month since her father had left the house but Janet had still not got used to how quiet the house was without him there. Every morning since he had left, she would wake up and hope to hear her parents talking in the kitchen. And, every time she would be more disappointed than the last and she’d be back to wishing everything would just go back to normal. She rolled out of bed and slowly walked to the bathroom. After washing up she made her way down to the kitchen. Bernice had set breakfast and was sitting at the dining table waiting for her.
  “Morning mom”, Janet greeted Bernice with a kiss on the cheek before taking a sit opposite her.
  “How did you sleep”, Bernice asked raising a cup of tea to her mouth.
  “Good, you?”
  “Great”, Bernice said her face lighting up. This was as far as their breakfast dialogue got for the past month. They did not talk much about anything because it all led to Janet asking about when her father was coming back home. Bernice would change the topic, Janet would get mad and they would not speak to each other for days.
  “So when is dad coming back home?” Janet asked casually and Bernice’s face turned gloomy.
She cleared her throat before saying, “your father will not be coming back.”
Janet took in a deep breath. Why would her father not come back home? Her parents had never fought; there was no trouble in their marriage. Her father was definitely coming back home, this just had to be her parents experiencing some mid-life crisis. Bernice clasped her hands together on the table and sat up straight squaring her shoulders as though she needed strength to say whatever she was about to say.
  “Your father and I are getting divorced”, she said firmly.
Janet shook her head, “No”, she said in a small voice. Nodding firmly Bernice said yes.
  “We have talked about our problem and that was the conclusion we came to.”
Janet swallowed hard and tears threatened to run down her cheeks.
  “You did not have problems.”
  “Of course we did, every married couple has problems”, Bernice paused before adding, “I’m in love with another man.”
This was not happening, Janet thought. Her mother was not saying this. She had fallen in love with another man. That was not true. Her parents had been married for twenty years. She had thought they would stay married for the rest of their life. Where did Bernice even get the time to fall in love with another man from? She was usually home or with Janet or Ernest.
  “Julia and Jake know this?” it was more of a statement than a question.
Bernice nodded.
  “That’s why they won’t talk to you. Did they tell you that dad had a melt down? He will not go to work or do anything but stay locked up in Julia’s house. This makes you happy?”
Ernest had been devastated when Bernice had asked for a divorce. He loved her with his whole being and to know that she now loved another man felt like his heart was being shred to a million pieces every single day. And it only got worse with each day. Bernice did not even show any sign of withdrawal. Her request for a divorce had been sudden for Ernest. Never in a thousand years would he have thought anything would break his and Bernice’s marriage vows. Not even death. He left Attana for Mary Bay a day after Bernice had asked for a divorce and was now living with his oldest daughter Julia and her boyfriend. He did not want Janet to see him in his distress. She was his youngest child and they had a very close relationship, there was no way he could hide his devastation from her.

  “No honey, it’s not like that at all. I adore Ernest and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.”

  “Well, you have accomplished just that, because he is hurt. How long were you cheating on dad for?”

Bernice did not really consider her relationship with Brian as cheating on Ernest. She had seen Brian at the gym five months ago and had fallen for him instantly. Bernice had gone home that day and had realised that Ernest did not make her feel the same way he used to. He did not astound her; every action of his was very predictable now. Ashamed and not wanting to accept what she was feeling, she had stopped going to the gym. Yet after three weeks of lying beside Ernest, but thinking of Brian and how much she wanted to kiss those full lips of his that left her gasping every time she thought of them- she went back to the gym.
She spent the next two weeks trying to make him notice her. Coming in and leaving at the same time he did. Taking breaks at the same time, he did. Training at the same section of the gym he did until one day when she was not even trying, he had looked at her and had flashed her a perfect smile. All her bones had turned to jelly. She could not breathe. Could not even smile back. As he walked over to her, she wondered if she was smelling alright or sweating or if her makeup was perfect. A quick run to the bathroom would have been perfect but he might have taken it the wrong way. Think that she was not interested and, hell was she interested. He had introduced himself to her and her to him and they had later exchanged numbers before leaving the gym. They had gone out for their first date two days after and she had told him that she was thirty years old, single and had no kids. With the way Bernice looked and dressed, even she herself would believe she was fifteen years younger than her actual age.

  Janet blinked back tears. Her mother said she had never felt more alive than she did when she was with Brian. She stared at Bernice as though she was some foreign creature. She had always admired and looked up to this same woman. She was out of her mind. Terribly insane.

  “So, do I have to move out now or what? Since you are a single woman with no children, Brian would want to know who I am.”
  “No not at all. No,” hastily Bernice took Janet’s hand in both hers, “you don’t have to move out. I do not want you to. You are my sister; I told Brian you are my sister.”
Appalled, Janet drew her hand from Bernice’s as though it was on fire and practically ran out of the dining room and grabbed her car keys from the glass coffee table in the kitchen. Bernice ran after her but Janet got into her car before her mother could catch up and drove off incredibly fast. It was raining hard and Bernice just stood there staring helplessly as Janet’s car took a sharp turn and disappeared. Slowly she turned and walked back into the house. Her heart felt like a heavy log. Her family was not making it easy for her. Her sister did not even want to take her calls, the twins did not want to see or talk to her. They had sworn she was dead to them and now Janet had driven off into the rain. She sat on the floor and leaned against the door staring blankly at the ceilings. Her eyes burnt with tears but she was not going to cry. It was not worth it. Her family was supposed to be there to support her in every decision she made. But they had all deserted her and they called her selfish. They were the selfish ones; wanting her to stay married to a man she did not love any longer. She was not going to cry for them. She was going to get married to Brian and start a new family with him- yes, that was what she was going to do.

Bernice was curled up on a sofa with a throw wrapped around her when Janet walked in at eleven in the evening. She stood up instantly and walked towards Janet who held out her arm to stop Bernice from getting any closer.
  “I’m glad you are back home. I was very worried,” she said and continued when Janet kept on walking without saying a word or even looking at her, “I left your dinner in the kitchen.
  “Not hungry.”

Bernice nodded slowly and pressed her lips together. With time, things would get better.
  “Brian is coming over tomorrow.”
This made Janet turn, “Great. That’s just wonderful,” she said with heavy sarcasm, “He can come live here, and get married to you and you two can have a lot of babies of your own and even adopt some if you want. I honestly do not care.”

  “Are you mad?”

  “No, I’m good. I’m off to bed now”, Janet said coolly and walked away.

The truth was that she not ok at all. And she cared that Brian was coming over the next day, she cared about everything and she just wanted to close her eyes and never wake up. She closed her bedroom door and sank against it. Uncontrollably she sobbed out her feelings. She felt wretched and as though the whole world was crushing down on her. Her parents had been such a happy couple. Her mother had not even shown any change before asking for the divorce. They were a happy family one day and Bernice was asking for a divorce the next day- literally. Maybe Bernice needed some medical attention- only a sick person would be able to lead a double life for five months without anyone around her noticing any difference. Or was it they who did not know Bernice that well? It had turned out the woman she had thought to be the most wonderful was just a sick and selfish ungrateful witch. She did not care about any one. Not about her family and not even about that Brian that she claimed to love very much. How was Janet going to introduce a man who was only two years older than she was as her stepfather to her friends? The embarrassment alone would kill her. At twenty-four, he was younger than Bernice’s first born twins who were twenty-six, only four years younger than her apparent age.
Out of fury and not in her right mind, Janet started throwing and breaking almost every breakable item in her room. Bernice thumped at the door and begged Janet to let her in but Janet only kept saying, “I wish you would just die.”          
   At ten in the morning, Janet woke up with a terrible headache. She was confused at how messy her room was. What had happened, why was she sleeping on the mat? She almost called out to Bernice but quickly remembered that she hated Bernice. She fell back onto the mat as soon as she got up. It was as if she had a terrible hangover. Her face felt puffy, her eyes heavy and it was as if she was hanging upside down from the ceiling. For more than thirty minutes, she just sat there on the mat, chin on her knees and hugging her legs. Since her first and second classes were already over, she was just going to take a long warm shower and then crawl back into bed until she could not sleep anymore or until she died. She was going to stay in bed and cry for her father who loved Bernice so much and was now just so hollow. She was going to cry for herself because she was torn between loving and hating her mother. And she was going to cry because what her mother was doing was very embarrassing and unthought-of. What would she say to her friends when they would ask her why her parents had divorced? How was she even going to introduce her age mate as her stepfather? She had never once thought her life would turn out this way. A perfect life was what she had always imagined for herself. No family drama whatsoever. Before Janet could drift off into sleep, two soft knocks came from the door followed by Bernice’s voice saying, “Honey, breakfast is ready.”
A month ago, she would have gotten out of bed and had gone down to the dining room hand in hand with her mother. Now she shouted, “Go away, Bernice.”
  “Janet please don’t do this. Just come down and have some breakfast, you really need to eat. And you don’t have to see me; I’ll be in my room”

  “Go away,” Janet shouted again. There was a stretch of silence before Janet heard Bernice walking away. She turned and buried her face in her pillow.
Janet only decided to crawl out of bed at five in the evening. She again took a long warm shower and then pulled on a sleeveless short blue jumpsuit. Fastening her hair into a ponytail, she went down to the kitchen. Not eating the previous night and missing today’s meals was catching up to her. She was starving. She really needed to eat. Bernice was probably not home because the house was very quiet. Where had she gone? Was she with Brian? She frowned slightly, why was she even thinking about it? She did not care about Bernice anymore- or at least that was what she wanted to believe. She looked around the kitchen for something to eat and she found a plate with macaroni salad with cheese topping and baked chicken, her favourite dish. She rolled her eyes at how silly Bernice was. Did she think preparing her favourite meal would make everything much better now? She was so hungry she did not even sit down, just ate the food where she stood.