My Love Untold

Who You Wish to Be

I woke up to someone lightly shaking me awake. I turned over, opening one eye to identify whoever it was that was disturbing my night of rest. The sun hadn't risen yet, so I glanced around to get used to the darkness that overcame me. After a couple seconds, I glanced back towards the person that had awoken me. I couldn't see full characteristics, but I recognized the specific blonde hair.

"Petra?" I croaked out, my body still tired. I looked past her to a chair next to my bed and noticed a sleeping Eren. Her head was resting in her palm and her hair fell over her face. Thankfulness spread throughout my chest when I realized that she had most likely refused to leave when visiting hours ended. Petra gained my attention once again when she spoke.

"I need your help with the horses. They won't quiet down and it's causing complaints in the barracks," she pleaded. I still couldn't see clearly, but I could see the desperation in her eyes. I gave a quick nod and allowed her to help me to my feet, too tired to do it on my own. A dull throbbing began in my head, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to bear with it. Part of me felt guilty for leaving Eren behind, but if I knew her, she wouldn't wake up for another few hours.

Petra led me through the seemingly endless hallways of the infirmary. I felt myself begin to crave the dreamless sleep that Petra had interrupted and debated whether or not getting up was actually worth it. After all, who cares if the soldiers in the barracks get a good night's sleep if I'm deprived of one? Letting out a soft sigh, I shook the thoughts from my head, knowing that Petra would be disappointed if I didn't try to help.

She opened the main doors and I felt a refreshing cold wind through my hair. I held my hand out to her, motioning that I wanted to stop, and she thankfully understood, sitting me down on the steps.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," she apologized. I kept my mouth shut, figuring that she meant the apology in a rhetorical sense. Instead, I changed the subject.

"How was the rest of your day, yesterday?" Petra met my eyes, the moon causing her face to glow.

"I told everyone that you were okay, and handed it off to Krista to explain Ymir's state. I figured she was the best person to tell them, you know... considering," she said, her voice fading at the very end. I understood her decision perfectly. Krista and Ymir had a relationship I couldn't figure out, yet, but I knew that they cared for each other. Probably more than any pair I'd seen in my life.

Petra sighed softly, resting her head in her palms. "What is it?" I asked her, careful not to let tiredness take the form of irritation in my tone. I watched as nervousness took over as she bit her bottom lip, turning away to face directly in front of her.

"I can't afford distractions," she replied. I furrowed my brows, already knowing what was to come. Hoping for some specification as to why, though, I decided to ask for some clarification.

"Distractions?" I said simply. She brought her knees closer to her chest.

"I'm being considered to become a Captain of the newer recruits. They say that there are even more wanting to join than last year, and they need some new leaders. I just- I mean, I don't like saying it. I just can't afford distractions," she explained. I felt my chest constrict with conflicting ideas. I was happy for her for being considered to becoming Captain, but that meant...

"I'm your distraction, right?" I asked. She was silent for a second before nodding slowly. I matched her movements with an understanding nod of my own. "You have to get that position, no matter the cost," I said, earning a surprised gasp from Petra.

"Really?" I scoffed, incredulously.

"Petra, you're one of my best soldiers: loyal, fast on your feet, intelligent. Anyone would be stupid to not put you in charge, and I pity those that aren't put under your leadership," I said. She giggled softly, her eyes sparkling with a combination of newborn confidence and tears. I swallowed, finding the next part a bit more difficult to say out loud. "It's for that reason that I understand why this can't continue. If you're distracted and something happens, any chance you'll have at becoming Captain will be gone. You chose the path that will help you grow the most. I can't be angry at that."

Petra nodded, throwing her arms around my neck in a thankful gesture. My lips drew together into a tight smile as I wrapped my arms around her. We separated and she gave my cheek a soft peck. I watched as she stood and took a step forward.

"I'm sorry for bringing you out here," she said, turning to face me. I had assumed the horses had been an excuse when she sat us down on the steps, but I leaned back on my elbows in mock surprise.

"You mean you lied about the horses?" I gasped. She gave a sheepish smile before looking behind me.

"Hey, Eren," she called out, somehow still remaining quiet. I turned and saw Eren walk through the doors behind me, an uncomfortable expression locked on her face. I turned and smiled at Petra, relieved that she knew me as well as she did. "Take him inside, will you?"

"That's what I'm here for," she said from behind me. Petra gave me a weak salute before turning away to return to the barracks for the night. I heard Eren's footsteps approach me and I turned slightly to make eye contact with her when she sat down.

"How?" I asked simply, hoping she'd know what I was trying to ask.

"Petra woke me before she woke you: told me that you might need someone to take you back inside. I didn't feel like questioning it, I just waited for you two to leave and followed you," she gave me an awkward glance before adding, "but I figured I should give you space, so I stayed inside. I didn't hear anything." I let out a low grumble of a laugh, too tired and upset to manage real laughter.

"I just can't believe that happened..." I said, slowly. Still not sure whether I was more upset about the events or happy for her opportunity. Eren nodded, looking up at the sky.

"I didn't think she'd end it, you know?" she asked. I raised an eyebrow at her and her face paled in realization. She flashed me a timid smile. "I think I may have - possibly - heard some of it." I nodded, a small smile appearing on my face as I gestured for her to rise.

"Just help me inside, please? I'm too tired to comprehend all of this right now," I said. Eren released a short hmm sound and stood, grabbing my good arm to help me up. I fell into her slightly and flinched, but was pleasantly surprised to realize that she had caught the entirety of my body weight perfectly. She seemed to think the same thing as she hummed in satisfaction, bringing my arms around her neck as she led me up the stairs and into the big main doors.