strings » yeonbin

십구 19

the boy turned to me with his face swollen and scared. i took a few steps closer and Soobin curled himself more.

i reached for him but he flinched, avoiding my gaze with trembling lips and tears escaping uncontrollably of his eyes.

"Soobin? oh my god, what happened?!" i asked, despair all over my features and voice "Soobin, talk to me, please"

he sniffled, the boy who was way taller than my frame, looked so tiny in front of me, the sight made me beyond frightened.

"t-they know" he murmured, his eyes shying away from mine "they know about me..."

"what do you mean?" i placed my both hands on his shoulders, finally being able to put his shaking figure near me.

"t-they know i'm homosexual" one lonely tear left his right eye, as if on slow motion.

my mouth gaped, so that's what was all that about? the stares, the suspicious conversations, his manners... suddenly, all connected

i embrace Soobin's trembling body while his head rested on my chest, drenching my dark sweater with his now uncontrollable tears that streamed down his delicate face.

it was hurtful to say the least: seeing the ones you want to protect and love on a state like near to a breakdown. and to worsen the situation, it was all my fault.

"some girls from the g-gardening club came up at me as i arrived school this morning, putting their phones on my face," Soobin squinted his eyes, wrapping his shivering arms around my waist "t-they asked me if it was me in the photos, and i couldn't comprehend what they were talking about till i saw your hair on their screen"

his sobs became frequent again, filling the open air and being blew off by the spring breeze... even the gentle sun rays were not enough to clear out our situation, and that was for sure

"soon it was all over the school grounds, everyone knew and asked me about the photos, i was so scared..." he cried, gripping tightly on my sleeve "i was ready to tell them, but i'd never thought things would get out of hand this fast"

he was suffering, and i could tell why: Soobin was surrounded by people who expected a lot from him, as a president of a club he founded himself, as a straight-a student, and the heir of his family's business... he told me how pressure felt like in his world, and how much he struggled only to let his best friend Kai, know about his sexuality.

when i heard that words, at first i was scared, it was our first date yet he felt that comfortable to even speak about his private pained life. it sounded suffocating, and i couldn't contain myself from feeling pity for him, because me, on the other hand, never had that much of expectations upon me all of the time, which indeed, was never  the healthiest thing at all.

the always shining boy, secretly suffered from the pain of having his whole self planned on, his skills and likings, all was watched closely and has to be perfect. Soobin had to be perfect by their eyes.

but the Soobin i fell for, the one with the most beautiful dimples on earth, the arrogant game nerd, the noisy yet shy boy who made my heart kick up by only a glance, this Soobin is perfect.

"their questions were scaring me, but the worst part were their faces... they looked so disappointed, Yeonjun, i-i couldn't stand that" he whimpered, staring at me "you were nowhere to be found, i needed you, i still do! i was so alone and lost, i-"

before he could keep on talking, i smashed my lips onto his. i knew it probably wasn't the right time, and it would startled him even more, but i couldn't stop myself being the selfish shithead i am. i wanted him to know how much i care and how my feelings were growing fast, so much i couldn't even keep up with the speed anymore.

his plump lips were soft as i expected them to be, which made me slightly moan with satisfaction between my actions, noticing he didn't stopped me to do so.

i heard Soobin gasp, as i motioned my hands to the back of his head, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

unexpectedly, Soobin wrapped his hand around my neck, allowing me to keep on going with our little makeout section. my lips touching his, telling us secrets we ourselves weren't able to speak out loud yet, the passion taking over as we both could feel it. it just felt right, like our entire bodies were intertwined, excitement rushing through my veins and i could tell he felt the same in his every atom.

as we parted a few moments later, out of breath and with our bodies not moving a centimeter, our eyes met, glimmering at the previous actions.

"Soobin," i uttered, not leaving his gaze "i'm so, so sorry i wasn't there for you when you needed me the most"

i caressed his cheek, stained by the previous tears, carefully as if it were porcelain and could break at any second.

"you're scared and i will understand it if you're not ready to do this," i started, fearing what he would think of my next words "but i want you to know you can hold my hand if you're alone... you say you're lost, but you can have your place here with me, Soobinnie"

we stayed in silence during almost a minute, just looking at each other. his painful eyes not leaving mine while i was trying to show him my sincere feelings through my gaze.

"Yeonjun-ah?" he murmured, lowering his head

"yes?" i answered, unsure on what to do with my hands still landed on his face.

"it don't matter if you don't feel the same, and if it is too soon..." he scanned his own hands, a faint hue of red appearing on his cheeks

"that's ok, if you don't feel like saying it, i will-" suddenly, i was cut off by his lips brushing against mine on a quick yet calmly kiss.

Soobin leaned back, creating some distance between us but not forgetting to smile softly at my confuse self, his dimples popping up.

"Yeonjunnie... i like you, i-i really do"