Be Enlightened Bebang, Abandon No Gale

Bebang(9) - The Chicanery

MAX

''I am not a traitor,'' I keep telling myself. I fancy myself mad. ''I do not know if it is still right to love her,'' It is easier now that I know I can do. As easy as destroying empathy and sympathy, pushing the burden of the emotions and affection aside in my mind.

At the time CIC Edwards persuaded me that Bernardina is part of the 5 forbidden divisions, that she is working under the constituent of The Research. Since I couldn't seize the extremity of being against with her, I was contented to give her security — I was contented to see her safe. I be au fait with that seeing her safe isn't enough.

''Why couldn't you be with her?'' The light of the dawn flushes behind Alex' hair. Her arms are clutched in my waist, giving the weight that I must be with her and choosing Bernardina over her is a ridiculous, irrational choice. Right over wrong. We always choose right, because we are haunted by the reflection of being wrong. We always choose the acceptable, because it is accepted — the reasonable, because it has reasons.

''You have been asking me the same question a lot of times,'' For just for a moment, her eyes touch mine, and I know it's time to start lying, careful not to be caught. I can read her mind, and I can tell that this girl has something deep down within her — her feeling of insecure, doubting every inch of herself, too fragile to break. 

Unerringly the contradictory counterpart of Bernardina. Independent, competitive, and tactfull.

''And you have been lying for the same question a lot of times,'' I bite my lip, as if trying to act that I have been caught, as if acting that I am trying to stop the words out of my mouth from rushing out. I have no idea that door-in-the-face technique is somewhat useful. One of these days, the advantages of being in a military strategem has granted me relief.

I became so good at performing to the point the acting is unfeigned and real, I guess it was just me, being methodical and organized but flexible when faced when in times of unexpected circumstances.

''Because,'' I grip her waist, leaning her more closer to me. ''Because you had never trusted me, and it hurts here,'' I point out my finger at the side of my chest — my heart, ''I'm praying that someday you would love me — you would trust me.''

Alex placed her hands on my cheeks, ''I love you,'' The prickles on her cheeks reminds me of Bernardina's face, I would never want to leave her. But I am not going anywhere with wrong. I must be right. I must  turn everything wrong to be right. I must deal with right.

Alex traces my lip, ''I trust you.'' She touched my cheek to slow the kiss down, holding my mouth on hers, ''I'm just scared you would leave me. You are my weakness, Alex. I love you.''

This woman is a contradictory counterpart of Bernardina; Miserly, unstable and insecure of herself.

''Alex, someone calls for you. It's Fifth, he needed—'' Jess cuts off, ''And don't get too excited. I don't want your meat flings flying across here.'' 

Bernardina was talking with CIC Edwards in the middle of the greensward. I move forward closer to them to listen what their conversation is for.

''Science makes the world go round, Bernardina.'' CIC Edwards says, devastating the cigar remains by his combat boot — like trying to kill an impossible destructive fire. 

Bernardina picks up the dead cigar — it's nicotine cartridge, ''Killing a fire you have started is impossible, CIC Edwards. Nothing makes the world go round. There's no one in control of our world.'' A small red light still sparks even after devastate by the combat boot. Bernardina blews the cartridge — as if trying to provoke something to move, to awake something, to stimulate — the small fire spreads, explodes, as if it was in a hurry to escape, spreads —- until the whole fire has been restored in it's original presence — before it was being devastated by a solid combat boot — glows beautifully, like a power — the whole cigar is now a power.