Upper Echelons

Disappeared into Finn Air

'That'll be £6.20 my love" the taxi driver looked at me through his front mirror as I rustled through my purse to find a note.

"Keep the change"

I got out the black Taxi, staring at the barn conversion in front of me. I stood for a moment as the taxi drove off and I felt cold shiver through my body. Was Finn really dead? Was this finally over? I waited awkwardly on the front step as I used the brass door knocker to knock the door twice.

"Niamh", Charity said as she opened the door and pulled me in for a hug. "It's finally over", she said with a tear falling down her powdered cheeks.

I stood there in the same awkward position as before she had opened the door.

"Come inside, it's cold" she stretched her arm around my back and held my right arm firmly as she walked me inside.

I sat on the British racing green ottoman opposite the fireplace in the living room, as I did not want to sit next to Orlando on the small settee. Charity perched herself next to me on a bright yellow smaller ottoman and stared at me as if she were waiting for me to speak.

"Where did they find him?" I murmured.

"The Otley lake...Police say it looked like a suicide case, they've told his family too" Charity said looking relieved and believing it was all finally over.

"Are they sure it's him? It's been so long, how can they be certain? Finn wouldn't do that, you know he's cleverer than that..." I said with panic in my voice.

"It's over. Everything he did it's finally been put to an end." She said trying to convince me that everything was going to be okay. My stomach was growling but it wasn't because I felt hungry, I felt sick. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach. The world was caving in on me and Charity was stupid enough to think that Finn was really gone. Maybe I could show her the letters? I couldn't. He would kill me if I told anyone.

Finn was my ex-boyfriend. I'd known him since I was 7 years old and our parents were good friends. Since he moved into my neighbourhood we instantly clicked. We were inseparable. It still pains me to this day to think that when my grandchildren ask me who my first love was, I would be reminded of Finn. He was the only boy who understood me. I suffered from depression and he always knew how to make me feel better. He understood that all he had to do was just be there, and that was enough. Things quickly turned sour after my 15th birthday party and Finn became obsessive and paranoid. I couldn't talk to any guys, he deleted all my male friends off my phone, and he had to walk me home everyday after school to know that I was home and hadn't lied and gone anywhere else. He was obsessed. The obsession became lethal and before I knew it Finn was following me on outings with my family. I remember one evening I was out with my dad and Jack at the cinema to watch The Threat 2 and Finn happened to be in the cinema by himself two rows behind us; despite texting me before I left to go to the cinema and telling me that he was at his grandmother's home. He would send me texts threatening to kill us both if I left him and then would quickly apologise and say he was joking and that he loved me. He was my dark haven and I cared too much so I carried on and pretended I was happy, even though I felt suffocated by him. That wasn't the worst of it though, he began cutting his arms if I didn't reply to his text messages on time and then telling me it was my fault and I made him do it. I listened and believed him. I shouldn't have listened, I was young and in love. They say what is love without pain right? Love without pain is healthy. Love without pain is normal. No one should be hurting to feel loved. I wish someone had told me this when I was 15, had I have known then what I know now, none of this would of happened. Had I have known this, I wouldn't have tried to kill him and now I was sure that this was a stunt to start playing mind games with me again. No one knew what I had done other than Finn. He was coming for me and it would be a matter of days. I needed to protect myself and be prepared for the worst to come. This wasn't the end of Finn, this was just the start.