Random Unrealistic Stories

Two

Two: The Story of my Butt

I WAS IN the hospital to get my butt replaced. It had a crack on it so the Buttologist Doctor had to fix it.

     "Buttina Stupidia Dieanna Arina. I told you a million times! All butts have cracks in them!" the doctor stated.

     "You're not my mommy!" I screamed dramatically and punched her in the face, knocking her front tooth out.

     I started crying so I jumped out of the window and landed on some random stranger.

     "Hi," the sexy, hot, handsome guy said.

     "Hello there, what is your name?" I asked the sexy, hot, handsome guy.

     "It is Roy," Roy says.

     "My name is Buttina but call me Tina," I said.

     "Oh," he says.

     I looked up into his turquoise orbs (I use orbs now instead of eyes cause eyes is totes last season), it was hypnotizzing. Hyptotisying. Hyptemisying. Hypnotising.

     He leaned in but I pushed him away.

     "Don't! I'm not like you!" I screamed.

     "What?!" he asked loudly.

     "My butt has a crack on it!" I screamed again and knocked his front teeth out.

     His orbs plopped right out of its orb socket and into a sewer as I ran away.

     I walked along the high way until I blacked out.

     ***

     I gracefully opened my beautiful green orbs. I was in a Butt Assylum.

     "Get me out!" I yelled.

     "Zer eez no way out," a voice said with an accent.

     "Who are you guys?" I ask the people next to me.

     "Jo."

     "Dani."

     "Alicia."

     I nodded. "My name is Buttina. But call me Tina or Butt," I tell them.

     "I DON'T CAAAAREEEEE," Jo screamed in a Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg voice.

     "SHAWWTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPP," Alicia scolds Jo.

     "EHHHHHHHHHH. We have been in this Assylum for one minute and we've all gone insane," Dani tells me.

     I nod at her. This Assylum was for random people like meh. Who hates having cracks on their butts I'm pretty sure.

     "GUESS WHAT!" I yell and takes out a teleporter out of thin air that was given to me by the Watermelon Jesus.

     I clicked on the Hogwarts BUTTon and we were teleported to a game of Quidditch.

     I fly up and use my butt as a shield but then it got hit by a ball so I had to go to the Bumfirmary where people's butts gets put in an ice tub. 

     ***

     I was in the infirmary until Turdsday which was only for two hours. I saw Alicia, Dani and standing in front of me with creepy grinning faces.

     At least it were their faces and not butts.

     "Engardium Buttiosa!" I said, casting a spell on a security guard.