Under the Blue Lights // Jake Kiszka

What is and what should never be

The room falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, not even the black kitten in my arms. Like the rest of us, she watches, not moving a muscle, as if she can feel the tension.

I study the girl for a second. She resembles Cassie a whole lot; medium height, curvy figure, long dark hair, light eyes. Exactly Jake's type. And looking at her, I'm hit with realization and it feels like a punch in the stomach. Jake would never want me like that. I don't dare to look at him, because I know I won't be able to hold back the tears if our eyes meet, so I keep staring creepily at the girl.

And I can sense she's scared. The way she looks at me and then to Jake, eyes widen, she probably thinks I'm his girlfriend and just caught the two of them. She opens her mouth to say something, but it's Jake's voice that fills the room.

"Lizzy, why are you holding a cat?"

"I rescued her." My voice is weak, my eyes are still bored on the girl.

"You're not planning on keeping it, are you?" That makes my blood boil, that makes me look at him. Anger takes over my body and my eyes burn like they're on fire.

The guy who practically kicked me out of my own apartment the night before, so him and his little friend wouldn't "make me uncomfortable", is nearly naked in front of me, while said friend is by his side, covered only by what I now recognize as my towel. And of all the things he could do or say, he chooses to ask if I plan on saving a little kitten's life.

"Really, Jacob? Is that what you wanna talk about right now?" I say, my eyes scanning the girl from head to toe before coming back at him.

"What else would we talk about, Elizabeth?" Another punch in the stomach. His tone is as harsh as mine and I know he's right. Or not completely wrong, at least. What's there to talk about? The girl? That's what I wanna discuss, but he's a single man, he owes me nothing.

"Put some clothes on at least. Weren't you so worried about making me uncomfortable yesterday?" There's no anger in my voice now, but there's a hint of sadness and tears threatening to spill. Jake nods slightly and puts his hand delicately on the girl's waist, guiding her to his room.

I let out a shaky breath and some salty tears. The kitten meows uncomfortably and I place her on the couch. She's very tiny, probably only two weeks old and she meows tirelessly now. I take some milk and a syringe, feeding the small creature what I can offer.

It takes Jake about fifteen minutes to leave his room. The girl faces the floor, not looking at me once as he guides her to the front door. I make the mistake of looking at them. Jake caresses her face and places a delicate kiss on her lips. "Sorry about that," he says, before closing the door behind her.

"She is mine," I speak when Jake stops in front of me on the couch. "I'll take care of her, you don't have to worry about this."

"It's not how this works, Elizabeth. This is a shared apartment, it needs to be a mutual decision."

"So you rather throw her back on the street?" I look at him, not caring about the tears soaking my face. "She'll be locked in my room if that's what it takes, but I'm not getting rid of her."

He holds my gaze for a long moment before slightly shaking his head. "Do whatever you want, that's what you always do anyway."

I don't know what he means by that, but his words cut through me like a knife and I jump at the sound of his door slamming and echoing across the room. As I sob, the kitten climbs me, her claws piercing my shirt until she's on my shoulder, sniffing my face. I don't even know what I'm crying about. Is it really the kitten situation? I can't erase the image of that girl wrapped in my towel from my head, so I don't think so.