like, like-like. like love.

him.

i loved him. i say 'loved' like it's not current, but oceans don't dry up.
(why don't they?) i've been telling myself i don't need him. that i don't like him. like all the crushes that was before him. but none after because he's still there. plaguing my mind and never goes away. i want him to go away. (but i couldn't bear to be alone. not that we're together.) he likes someone. someones. neither is me, and that's fine. i tell myself it is. it's fine because he's his own person. it's fine because i don't need him. it's fine. he's fine. i'm fine.
i don't need him and his dumb dyed hair that fits him so well. i don't need him to tell me he appreciates my love and is sorry he doesn't feel the same. i don't need him to hug me and talk to me and wish me a good night. (i'd be lying if i said it wasn't nice, though.)

but i want him. and that hurts more.