like, like-like. like love.

we meet.

i don't know what he likes. i know what he doesn't like, but it's not that different from any other person. (he's almost too normal, but extremely different?) it's almost like he was cursed, and in a way, he truly was. he was born in a body he doesn't want, living a life he doesn't want with a family he doesn't want. it's almost like life is against him. anything that could bring joy he doesn't want. (could i say myself? he surely doesn't want me the same way i do him) he doesn't think he deserves it, no matter how much i tell him otherwise. it's probably not enough. i'm probably not enough. i mean, he thinks he's the lowest of the low. he tells me "i don't deserve your love" and "why did you like a dumbass" but won't take it anyway. i know it's to preserve my feelings, but i feel like he's not even genuine. it's a feeling i know that isn't warranted. even before he knew of my crush on him, he still treats me the same. a friend. i'll even go the extra mile and say he's treating me better. he'll defend me and he doesn't even love me. (and that's enough, i think. to at least be recognized by him. to not be shunned and ignored.) if he wanted to leave, he had every chance. he could've told me he doesn't want me around. we share friends, but he has more than i. he could've left the table or asked me to. (he should know i'll most likely do anything for him.)
but it could be because he's scared. scared to break our group. scared to lose a friend. scared of other's opinions. i was when 'i confessed.'
but he's not me. we never really saw eye-to-eye on most things, more serious things. i give off an aura of a dangerous person. tall, unpredictable, chaotic. (is it possible that he's not scared of others? is it that he's scared of me?) i know he flinches every time i pull back an arm. i would hit someone out of love because they've said something negative about themselves. i would also forget everyone isn't ok with that. (he reminds me every time and makes me feel bad.)