like, like-like. like love.

me.

i was never important. (not important,  more like never better than i should've been) i'm the tall runt no one wants to be with. i'm the depressed kid who can't do anything because she's a coward. she's not strong enough. she's not skinny enough. she's not pretty enough. i was never enough. and, at this point, i don't even care if i ever am. (i never came to impress anyone.) i never wanted to start a show. i don't try to put on makeup because i can't even see my face. i don't check my clothes for wrinkles because it's extra work that could be doing something useful. i don't have priorities anymore because everything and nothing is important. what really matters confuses me. (was it me or my situation that stirred my vision?)
it was 'boys,' then this pretty girl came around and i said 'i'll try that!' then it was 'no no no no no, i was good when i started' but that was a lie. then it was everyone then it was no one then only him and now i'm alone. (not that i started off any way else.) and i'm fine with being alone. now that i look back, i don't even think i'd be good in a relationship. i lie and leave and pretend and forget and don't try and try too much. i thought i needed someone to make me whole. to cover up my insecurities and i theirs. it's not that simple. i need to start with myself before i even think about someone else. i need to let myself be happy on my own accord instead of just letting things happen. i need to start with me.  (it's going to take a while, though...)
i would've liked it if things were different. if i was different. but i'm ecstatic with this. even if i still like (?) him.