welcome to the madhouse

chpater two, the day before, part 1

my mother opens the door and tells me to wake up so i get up and i get in the shower and hiss at the hot water as it burns my cut covered arms. i quickly wash my hair and body and get out and throw on my outfit, my icon for hire t-shirt, black jeans and baggy black hoodie. next i put on my eyeliner and make sure its thick, then i brush my hair so its covering my face. it was feburary at the time so it would be cold out, i grab my phone and headphones and backback and wait for my friend to come pick me up for school. i put on my headphones and start blasting three day grace, i attempt to drown out my moring sorrow in music, knowing im heading to the place where my nightmares come true at any moment. i get a text message *here* and i head for the door and say a quiet "bye" and head out the door before my mom can respond, she is too busy with my little brother and sister to notice anything.

i climb in the car and take out one headphone and put on my fake smile for her mother who is driving since we cannot drive yet "hello bella" she says to me "hiii"i say back in a bubbly tone *this acting makes me sick* i think "how are you today" "im pretty tired to be honest". my friend kelsey who was busy on her phone gave me a wave to say hello and i put my headphones back in for the quick car ride to school. as we pulled up i sighed to myself, and as the car stopped i hopped out. kelsey came up to me and poked me i pulled out a headphone and she said "hey you feeling alright?" i looked at her blankly and said "no im horrible, im depressed and i cut last night" she sighed "well im not sure what to do for you" "nobody does" i mumble and walk away. i get inside and walk to my classroom and sit outside of it with linkin park blasting in my headphones. soon enough the teacher came and unlocked the classroom and we all went inside and the bell rang. i saw my so called friend mari bounce into the classroom and wave to me, i rolled my eyes, soon enough class began and i zoned out and doodled all over my notebook. i secrety hoped that algebra would never end, because my next class was gym, the class where i got bullied. the bell rang and i slowly got out of my seat and put my headphone in to get a last bit of hope before facing those demons that tormented me, its a long walk to the gym so i got some songs in.

finally i made it to the dressing room, when i got to my locker i opened it and began to undress. soon enough my friends claire, and olivia approched and also got dressed, as i took off my shirt they gasped and claire rushed over and said "oh no what have you done" she was talking about my arms. oliva sighed "i thought we made a promise" i looked away and stared at the floor "i snapped, i-i, im sorry..." oliva and claire hugged me "its okay darling" olivia said "we just dont want you hurting yourself"claire nodded "i care so much about you" she said *then thats why you both do it to then hah* i thought to myself. i finished getting dressed then we all went out to wait to be let in we chatted randomly when taylor and joradn and their little group came by they shoved me out of the way. i was shoved into the wall "get out of the way loser" taylor said i didint respond while claire jumped in with "why dont you watch where your going fuck face" i quielty told claire to stop while the voices in my head went wild mocking me and repeating what they said *what a loser, yeah thats right, your a loser, a fat stupid loser*. i stood their quietly trying to silence the voices in my head then the doors opened and we went in and went to our seprate sides. i was only a freshman and claire and olivia were juniors they went to the other side of the gym, i slowly walked to what would be my personal hell, i sat down and stared at hoped no one would notice me.

soon enough i heard a voice "well look at what we have here" i looked up and it was taylor looking at me with her little group around her "where are your little friends, did they finally notice how weird you are and leave you" i looked away not wanting to feed their fire. before she could say anything else the teacher told them to sit down so we could do warm ups, after he did role call, we had to do push ups and sit ups. during these they kept mocking me, when i couldng to alot of push ups they laughed at me, when i didint do sit ups jordan said "looks like some people are too weak to do these normal warm ups" i wanted to cry. soon enough the teacher said it was free day and we could do anything we wanted but we had to be moving. i quickly got up and attempted to make it over to oliva and claires side but soon enough i was being shoved around by jordan and taylor and deshandra. they were all laughing then walked away after a few shoves, i walked slowly with my head down, alredy feeling defeated for the day and made it over to olivia and claire they noticed how i looked and oliva came up and patted my shoulder "hey, come on now smile, cheer up". i looked at her teary eyed "how can you tell me to cheer up when im bullyed all day every day i never get a breal and the only way i can really feel alive is when i slice myself up, so no, i cant cheer up" olivia and claire looked at me shocked then nodded "i understand bella, i understand" she embraced me and claire did too. then claire pulled away and jumped up and said "i know!! lets sing to make us feel better" i looked at her and smiled a little "i bet i can guess the song" then she started to sing "o-oo-oh she licked me like ice cream" then i joined in "dippin with my dipper we be drinkin up the liqour" we continued to sing untill a teacher yelled at us to get moving so we decided to walk around the track. soon taylor and jordan were behind us "look its the loooossseeerrsss" taylor said i tensed up "just ignore them bella" olivia said. "oh look at them trying to be tough, i wonder how they can stand to be friends with such a fat patheic girl" jordan said "hahahaha" they both laughed. olivia noticed claire was about to explode and go off on jordan and taylor so she grabbed both of our hands and pulled us away from the situation while jordan yelled "YOUR RUNNING AWAY LIKE THE WIMPS YOU ARE HAHAHAH". thats when i lost it and told olivia "im going to kill myself tonight, thats it im done im going to end it" claire freaked "no please dont i cant live without you" i stared blankly at them "i cant take anymore, i dont care, i. am. done" olivia simply nodded, i excpected more of a response out of here but it was silent, soon the bell rang and we all got dressed and left and i headed to biology.