Bodies in My Closet

XIV

What I despise the most
about this consistent cycle
isn't my lack of control over it,
the way I switch off
in less than four hours
without noticing myself slow down,
the way my fantasies about resting
increase every minute
until they fill my entire head
and consume me
to the point I sit and stare blankly,
the way I blackout and run on autopilot
becoming the robot I am,
the way my voice
begins sounding raspy
due to not speaking in avoidance
of releasing the sinister,
the way I break mirrors
because the person across from me
is awful in my perspective.
No, what I despise the most is
the way a part of me
becomes thrilled and enjoys
watching my ruins
crumble to dust and ashes.

- But I Hate it Regardless