trigger warning
the sound of sirens came close to sucking blood from my ear. but i stood still.
i didn't exactly know what else to do. for some reason, i felt tears fall from my eyes.
i didn't know if i really felt anything or not. maybe i was just caught up in the moment.
but, if i'm being honest, it felt like my world came crashing down.
like he was my life. but i can't feel like that anymore. i just can't.
-
i arrive at the er they're keeping him in. "can i see ethan. ethan dolan?"
"yes. of course. room 227" she smiles. "thanks." i say, more nervous than ever.
as i walk down the eerie, white lit hallway, covered in chills. i feel like i'm stuck in a nightmare for gods sake.
'223' '225' '227'
finally i can enter a real room. through the thin window on the door, i can already tell i'm not gonna like this.
a creaky noise travels in an echo throughout the building, coming from the door.
as soon as i stepped in, i felt a wave of sadness take over my body.
nobody was there. not a single cheesy 'get well soon!' balloon. not a single bouquet of basic flowers.
luckily i came prepared. my hands were filled with things of those sorts.
a. a teddy bear
b. daisies
c. pink and yellow balloons
d. the cheesiest of cheesy cards
i mean, how could i not. i look at my surroundings. different. odd. unusual.
i don't notice the usual food trash and quiet t.v. i spot a dark corner, and a large chair.
i soon notice that i have yet to realize that i haven't payed any attention to ethan.
i clear my throat before a small "hi" exits my mouth. he turns his head, barely.
his face slightly lightened. "hi" he said as well. his eyes travel to my hands, containing all the necessities of someone in this situation.
"you didn't have to do that" his neck was stiff. "yes, i did. and i'm so sorry ethan"
"i knew you were like the rest. i'm sorry too stella. sorry that i'm such a fucking failure, that i failed at killing myself."
