⚠️ Mentions of suicide, self harm and abuse ⚠️
"Dear Diary, It's me..Natalie. It's been a while. I'm getting sick of this shit. I don't want to be in this house anymore. My dad is never home anymore and my mom is even more of an alcoholic. Life has just been going downhill since my brother moved out and went to college. He always kept everything together in this shit hole but, he's gone now. I haven't talked to him or heard from him in a while. Nowadays all i do is go to school and try to distance myself from my shitty mom and this hell hole of a home. I was thinking of just offing myself yesterday, but i didn't. Only because my dad walked in and said goodnight before he left again. Who knows where he could've of went but telling by the look on his face, he's probably never coming back. Oh, and i cut myself again. I try to stop myself, i really do but it's hard to."
I couldn't believe i was actually writing in this piece of shit. My school counselor suggested i'd write in it. I've only written in like once or twice but here i am..at 3 a.m. on a school night, crying my eyes out and trying to distract myself from doing something to myself again. It's gotten really bad. My arms and thighs were covered in scars. My mom doesn't even care to get me a therapist or at least try to stop me, actually she could care less. She cares about her fucking alcohol more than her own child.
I continued to write until my mom burst in.
"Hey, why the fuck are you awake? It's a school night for fucks sake." she exclaimed.
I shut the notebook, shoving it under my bed and looking at her, wiping my tears quickly.
"S- sorry, mom...I'll go to sleep n- now.." i said, stuttering and trying to keep the rest of my tears from flowing.
"You're fucking pathetic, I can hear your sobbing from my room. Just, shut the fuck up." she said, slamming my door shut and stomping to her room.
I'm suprised she didn't hit me this time. Last time she did she left a bruise..right on my shoulder. I sighed, pulling the blanket over myself, and continued to cry myself to sleep.
-Next Morning-
6 a.m.
I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring. I grabbed my phone and turned it off, getting out of bed immediately.
I went to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth etc. and got dressed. I decided i'd just wear my uniform shirt with a black, oversized hoodie over it and some black pants. I sighed, sliding my socks and shoes on.
I then fixed my bed, grabbing my phone and bookbag and then heading downstairs. It's always pretty quiet in the morning because my mom is always passed out drunk. But it's nice, i would rather have it like this anyways. I grabbed a piece of toast, put some nutella on it and ate it as i walked out of the house, grabbing my house keys.
Oh, did i mention that i had a best friend? You'd probably think i didn't have any friends but I wouldn't be surprised. I'm suprised he'd even want to be friends with me of all people. Anyways, it's this guy named Keith. He lives right across the street from me and we always walk to school and back home together. We do almost everything together.
"Hey, Natalie!" He said, running over to me.
I smiled a bit, "Hi Keith."
"You okay? your eyes look all puffy." He said, obviously concerned.
"Oh..Yeah, i'm fine. Just had a rough night" I said.
"Well, i'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Okay?" He stated.
I nodded.
Keith is that person that i just rant to about everything. He knows about all of my life problems and he tries his best to keep me happy. And it works, but only when he's around. You may be thinking "oh, Keiths life must be perfect then." But, It's not. His mom left him when he was only 3 and his dad is an absolute asshole. Well, judging from what Keith has told me.
Our lives seem pretty similar but it's also like the complete opposite. Keith may seem happy but i know thats he's hurting, deep down inside. We've even planned on killing ourselves together once, you know, like as a "best friends" thing i guess. But it didn't work out. We were too scared. Though, Keith actually has a therapist and he has other coping mechanisms so he doesn't harm himself like i do.
Anyways, we walked to school just chatting about random shit. And right before we had to split apart for 8 cruel hours, Keith said..
"My place after school." and then he left to his class.
I just nodded and walked to class. He never invited me over, actually. Maybe his dad is gone for a while? I don't know but i need to focus.
I walked into class and went straight to my seat.
"Well, goodmorning to you too Ms.Green." said my history teacher.
I hated his guts but i just smiled, taking my notebook and a pencil out.
He just gives me bad vibe. The way he talks to me, the way he looks at me. I'm suprised im even passing his class right now. Could be favoritism, for what? Who knows but i dont really give a fuck.
-Time Skip-
{After School}
I walked down the hallway, bumping into Keith.
"oh, hey." I said.
He smiled at me and we walked out of the building together.
"Sorry for the sudden invite. I know i've never invited you to my house before but my dad is gone for the rest of the month so, maybe you can come over to my place everyday after school?" He said.
I smiled a bit, saying "sounds like a plan."
Keith celebrated silently and we walked straight to his house. My mom probably won't even notice my absence, she could care less anyways.
But, i never realized how much shit could happen in just one single month.
To be continued...
/1053 words/
